PeteB

Sweet As! Why was it banned?

My blood pressure remained low all last night. I have never watched nor intend to watch any such drivel for the last 7 years and if my children want to see such mind shrivelling dross, their Mum has to record it and they watch it in her time. I see watching such rubbish as an absolute waste of my time on this earth. All of the presenters and most of the participants are a load of talentless dead heads, some of whom are still riding a wave from their also wasted past!

Glenn Kay at Stockport possible has the biggest in the land! Based on a 6 tonne excavator with a massive wheel. It is the machine that Justin Kingwell used to have and Homegrown were the original owners.

I'm not one for union membership or strike action, but then, I've never been in a job that demands it or where a union requires it. I brought my house off of a Unison member who has never bothered to notify them of a change of address. After three years of forwarding her mail, I got fed up and just returned them clearly marked as, addressee not known at this address. I still get her mail which goes straight in the bin. Unison recently balloted its membership on strike action and the motion was carried. The results were sent to me and I opened the letter and was surprised to discover that less than 30% bothered to vote! A couple of points spring to mind; 1. Why couldn't the members be bothered to vote? 2. How much do Unison take from its members in revenue? 3. At what point is a ballot counted as worthless due to poor turnout? 4. How much union money (members money) has been wasted on a ballot about the pension rights etc and they could not be bothered to voice (vote) either way.

I used to stop cutting hedges when the customers stopped asking!

Sorry Phil, got to put this in....... If you are after a chipper or shredder, send me a pm and I may be able to help.

Morning Terry, Pictures as discussed.

I am aware of someone who won a similar deal. Got there to find that he had been duped. Why are people so gullible? An honest seller would put up their number, be open for questions and accept papal even with the fee. Mind you, isn't there saying regarding fools and their money are easily parted. Don't be a fool

It's that time again. The Darwin Awards are out. The annual honour is given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket scientist... HONESTLY! Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY!!! And the nominees were: Semi Finalist #1 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister. Semi Finalist #2 Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles Semi Finalist #3 A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.' Semi Finalist #4 A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized. Semi Finalist #5 Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers. And now, for the winner of this year's Darwin Award - (As always, awarded posthumously): The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smouldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid-fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds. The driver, and soon-to-be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.. Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground. You just couldn't make this stuff up, could you?

A few Scottish jokes 1. A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: 'Can you come and get me? I think ma water has broken 'Okay,' says her dad. 'Where are you ringing from?' 'From my knickers tae ma feet. ' 2. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. 'Comfy?'asks the dentist. 'Govan,' she replies. 3. What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography...? Oor Wullie. 4. A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?' 'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter. 'That's affa dear,' says the guy.. 5. Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo. 6. After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt. 'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate. 'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,' 7. Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq ? Coo eight. 8. Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement. Which one's a Musketeer? The dark tan yin. 9. A Scotsman in London is having trouble phoning his sister from a telephone box. So he calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice: 'Is there money in the box?' 'Naw, it's just me,' he replies. 10. While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her husband: 'Do you think I'm getting a wee bit pigeon chested?' And he says: 'Aye, but that's why I love you like a doo.' 11. What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy? Hawkeye The Noo. 12. What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu. 13. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan. 14. A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing. 'No,' argues the assistant, 'Look at the label - it says Taiwan .' 15. What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: 'Hey you, get off of my cloud.' And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe.' 16. What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d. 17. Did you hear about the BBC Scotland series that features the queue for the toilets at Waverley Station? It's called The Aw' Needin' Line. 18. What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident? The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik. 19. Why was the Chinese restaurant so bad? Because the chef was Low Ping. 20. While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: 'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?' 'I'd put him off at the next stop,' he says. 'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?' 'I'd take the first two weeks in August,' he replies. 21. Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - 'Aye right.' 22. A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street . When he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car! 'What's up Jimmy?' he asks. 'Piston broke,' he replies. 'Aye, same as masel...

Terrorists are now planting bombs inside tins of alphabet spaghetti. If just one of them explodes it could spell disaster:blushing: I'll get me coat...........................

Jeremy Smithers, who sells the TS range of chippers which use a galvanized chassis, tells me that kettle cleaning fluid brings galv up a treat!

PM sent!

Rent a smokeless burner from Kingwell Holdings and burn them on site!

How about steam clean them and sell as garden features? Planted upside down they would make a good addition to any upmarket garden!

PM sent!

That "Viking" who is seen at most trade shows in the SE, is a tree surgeon and was on the box a while back as he owns an amphibious military truck which he takes to military truck shows and sails up a river somewhere. I'll remember his name later.

I have to admit, I've had a Parrot bluetooth for five years and apart from not being able to transfer it from truck to truck, it was bloody good at £62 from ebuyer. New car is inbuilt so I'm okay and I kick myself for not lifting the Parrot out of the Isuzu before it went to Cyprus to go in one of the other GM towtugs!

I'd buy a CS100 anyday:sneaky2: But then, I would wouldn't I!

Send me a pm with your details and I'll talk to your local dealer as we are selling a 14hp and an 18hp demo machine.

I've never seen Mr Collins dance without his hat so it cannot be him!

Drunk on adrenalin! Fair play to the lad, especially walking out on that crane! He will make his mark on the landscape one day - a red splat mark!

The man's a bum!

Noise? Absolutely splendid idea!

Where are you based? I'll get the dealer to get in touch.