Jokes???

[felixthelogchopper]

[Stubby]

 

[geoff]

I see you turned that experience into a thing of amusement, good move mate..

[Gary Prentice]

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio* table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....

 

'John, you know that dishwasher you promised me?* I bought it with the insurance money!'

 

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, 'John, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'

 

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,

 

'John, that diamond ring you promised me?* Bought it too, with the insurance money!'

 

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, 'John, remember that BJ I promised you?'

 

'Here it comes.'

 

Sounds like a prediction of when my time comes:biggrin:

[PeteB]

Sounds like a prediction of when my time comes:biggrin:

 

Just like the bride smiling sweetly as she walked down the aisle, smiling at the thought that she had given her last one.....

[felixthelogchopper]

I see you turned that experience into a thing of amusement, good move mate..

 

Yes, your story touched me deeply. I hope you didn't mind me sharing it with the forum.

[Bob Slade]

Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport

A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

 

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.

 

She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the OPP with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

 

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."

 

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

 

Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by any Prime Minister

[Bob Slade]

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate take a deep breath and say '99'.

The old guy obeys and says"99".

The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say "99".

Again, the old guy says '99'.

The doctor says, “Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.

Now take a deep breath and say '99'.

The old guy begins,

One....

Two…

Three…

[aspenarb]

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

 

Elizabeth, a very very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay, what's your name?"

 

"It's Paul, and I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted Cart.

 

"Paul, she said, (loose breasts undulating beneath her white terry robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."

 

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

 

"Oh, come on, now " Elizabeth insisted.

 

She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak.

"Well okay," I finally agreed and thought to myself, "but my wife won't like it."

 

After a few restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I best go now."

 

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

 

"Still under the cart, I guess"

[skc101fc]

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

 

Elizabeth, a very very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay, what's your name?"

 

"It's Paul, and I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted Cart.

 

"Paul, she said, (loose breasts undulating beneath her white terry robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."

 

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

 

"Oh, come on, now " Elizabeth insisted.

 

She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak.

"Well okay," I finally agreed and thought to myself, "but my wife won't like it."

 

After a few restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I best go now."

 

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

 

"Still under the cart, I guess"

 

Nice one , hahaha. Thats just put a great finish on an otherwise dull day.

Shaun