Ratman

What a waste of wine! Bus drivers probably up for a blowie! [emoji6][emoji23]

A Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her? The Nun, very upset, says "NO! I am married to God!!" and gets off the bus disgusted. The bus driver sees all this. He tells the hippie "She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the graveyard... why don't you dress up in a hooded robe; go to the graveyard and tell her you are God and demand sex?" The Hippie tries this and to his surprise, the nun says "Yes but only if we have anal sex as I want to keep my virginity" ... They have passionate bum sex and when they are done the hippie throws off his robe and cries "ha ha, I'm the Hippie!!!" The nun whips off the veil and cries out "ha ha, I'm the Bus Driver!!!"

You guys got any pics to shows us then?

Piston and crank look complete!? Thats not a bad start! [emoji23]

You got some stunning scenery and cracking pictures over there! Pics are ace [emoji106]

Very vibrant Gary! I aint seen owt like that round us. Fairly lacking in fungi tbh around here.

You have 30 day not fit for purpose returns on brand new! No arguments, send it back, and send an email with dates and times stating also with reasons why for rejection to them. Its consumer law and your well within your rights. They can and are allowed to advise you that they can repair satisfactorily, but it has to be within the 30 days, the fact they have said two months is in your favour straight away!

My mate put his under the stairs, down stairs obviously. Hes two or three shotguns i think, and two rifles. Sure you’ll sort it [emoji106]

My mate got told to secure to wall AND also the floor with his, down the scenario you have Mark, being in to thermolite block which is like trying to fix to a crumbly cheese.

“One more stunt like that and you’ll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit outa hong kong.... you got that!”

Bless her! My last dog (pet dog not working) developed epilepsy at 18 months old, was medicated for it which controlled it for a while, but became worse and his fits developed in to clusters, so had him put down at just over 2yrs old, broke my heart that! His meds were £100 ish a month to begin with, but were up at just shy of £200 a month towards the end. Like you say though, you dont begrudge it as theyre part of the family, treated like one of your kids. (Mine are anyhow)

New one on me that gary, how old is she? Cant say it sounds common for a collie, had plenty when we were on farm but never really suffered with anything. They’re usually one of those self sufficient type breeds, low maintenance as they say! [emoji23]

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition. He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. 'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.It protects it from the rain, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family. 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.' 'No problem,' he says.. And in they go. Joe is shocked.Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. He leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. She's got a great body too. Joe grabs mom, bends her over the table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table. She has a big orgasm, & Joe sits down. His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, & Mom is beaming from ear to ear. But still ... . Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father shouts. I'll do the fuckin’ dishes!!

He jumped in his van Mark, did a lap of the farm yard and parked it back up!