Jokes???

[Al Cormack]

An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

 

He proceeds into the water, eventually bumping into the preacher.

 

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

 

The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."

 

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

 

The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

 

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer ..He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus me brother?"

 

The drunk answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

 

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God,

 

have you found Jesus?"

 

(get ready for this.....)

 

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,

 

*

 

*

 

 

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

"Are you sure this is where he fell in"?

[skc101fc]

What's the capital of Greece ?

 

 

 

 

About €150 at the moment.!!

[djbobbins]

What happened to the Cockney Avon lady?

 

Max Factor...

 

 

 

(Go back and read it out aloud in a Cockney accent)

[felixthelogchopper]

What happened to the Cockney Avon lady?

 

Max Factor...

 

 

 

(Go back and read it out aloud in a Cockney accent)

 

That's what made Elizabeth Arden

[Joe Newton]

What did Sean Connery say after a book fell on his head?

 

"I can only blame myshelf"

[Gary Prentice]

One wonders how, given the level of his intelligence, he's managed to survive up to now?

 

I laughed:biggrin:

[Shane]

Never trust a Welshman whos wearing a wooly sporran

[Brian S]

Curly went hunting one day up in The Northern Territory' and bagged three ducks.

He put them in the back of his Ute and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a surly Territory game warden who didn't like smart alecs.

The warden ordered Curly to show his hunting license, so Curly pulled out a valid Northern Territory license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its bum and said, "This duck ain't from The Territory this is a Queensland duck.

You got a Queensland huntin' license?"

Curly reached into his wallet and produced a Queensland license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its bum, and said "This ain't a Queensland duck. This duck's from West Australia, you got a West Australian license?"

Curly reached into his wallet and produced A West Australian hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its bum, and said, "This ain't a Western Australian duck, this duck's from South Australia, you got a South Australian Huntin license?" Curly reached into his wallet, and brought out a South Australian license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at Curly "just where the hell are you from?"

Curly smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,

"You tell me, you're the expert..."

[timbernut]

Why did the cows return to the field marijuana?

 

 

 

 

It was the pot calling the cattle back!

[briquette_seller]

What do women and kfc have in common?

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

Two thighs

Two breasts

And a greasy box to put yer bone in