Mark Bolam

I need something that will lock the chipper to the tow bar more than anything.

It does a bit.

As every true pro knows mate.

But surely the more shiny shit you have hanging off your harness the more Insta likes you get? Thinking about it, I might start setting off from the ground with 2 saws at least. The groundies will have plenty to do taking pictures of me, especially if I’m wearing my Oakleys as well. ?

Slight update on this. Still need to get to Maidstone to try a couple of decent locks that MAY fit the hitch. Meanwhile, Von has the same little crappy brass barrel lock on his TW125. The key snapped in it on a site and he needed to get on. He punched the pin out by whacking a scrench through it with a chunky spanner. Took him 15 seconds. Some security!

Job dependent whether I set off with a saw or not. If I choose not to (SRT ascents have already been mentioned) I’d like to think any groundie I’d want to work with wouldn’t have a problem in sending a saw up to me.

Aye, more bad in certain type of folk than others though.

No, because I have fuck-all to do with travellers.

Was that before or after you took the role as 'Magnum, P.I.'?

I used to love that job when I was a nipper! Might be because we used to get a shot at driving the Massey 135.

I cleaned the toilets at Otterburn camp for 6 weeks, over a thousand of Her Majesty’s finest troops would shit in there on any given day during a big summer exercise. Some of them may be on here! Character building stuff. My worst job, however, was trying to run my small arb firm with a totally fucked knee that I didn’t realise was serious. Pissed off mate I worked with thought I was being a mincer didn’t help. Got through that and he’s still one of my best mates, although we rarely work together now, but it’s great craic when we do. Any job is better than no job though. The current benefits system may make a mockery of the above statement, but for anyone worth anything it’s still true.

We were taking down a knackered ash on May 23rd at a posh estate we work on a fair bit, belonging to a TV producer millionaire who we’ve never met. There were a few targets, but standard stuff, and the day was going to plan until Danny Mac was chogging the (hollow at this point) stem down, at about 2’ dia. He shouted down ‘I’ve got company up here!’. 2 young but fledged birds, looking miserable and covered in sawdust. He cut a mortise in the butt and I sent up a flat piece of wood to act as a cap and keep the rain off them. Left the stem and went to the pub. Kept in touch and were assured the parents were around, noisily. Back today to finish the job, no desiccated bodies thankfully! Hollow for 3’, twigs for 2’, stinking mush for the rest and 6’ of solid at the base. At one point I thought my 660 was chucking out diarrhoea instead of sawdust. A unique aroma. Serious wet rot. No brackets anywhere near base, a few small ustilinia higher up. Paid before we got home. Apparently the client was very happy that we did the right thing. I was happy to give the little guys the chance. I’ve shot hundreds of the little buggers over the years, but every true shooting man will know how I feel. Hedgecutting in town later for 4 hours. The first few pints had no chance.

Keep us updated if you can mate. It’s ammo in your pocket knowing how the competition work and price. There are a couple of lads near me who are competent with good kit who I get on with well. They are happy and qualified to do UA work, and I’m not and have no wish to be, so we’ve traded work over the years. The truth is if I price against them on domestic work I’ll always lose because I simply won’t work as cheaply as them. Standard 8-4 day, 2 men, 6 inch chipper, 2 loads, they’ll beat me by £100 because they love being busy. I’ve always got plenty on and a great customer base, but I’m glad I don’t always price against them.

Seems low mate, but I’d never quote on pics so I don’t know, I wasn’t there. 3 lads might rinse it in a short day and think you were overpriced. Who knows? Keep your standards and your prices high, you’ll be reet.

Was that shite access Stevie? I remember that big redwood you dropped but I’m pretty sure that stayed there.

Nice. Loved the swing at about 2.22. Could have done with a guitar based rock soundtrack, mind.

I can put my prices up now for the first time in 15 years without fear of ridicule.

Aye you certainly get the best out of that hiab Huck, fair play.

Got it. £300 then. I’d do it on my own in a morning.

The deciding factor is ‘logs put into garage’. Rings or ready to burn? That tree is bigger than it looks. Huck, you’ve been doing this a long time, but a two man team is shit on big takedowns. It held me back for years.

Nice pic mick gives good scale of the size of tree you look tiny Aye, that was a big tree alright. Good pic. Couldn’t see you at first Mick, I thought you were right at the top wearing a kepi!

Are you taking your saws Don?

I’ve telt the polis on you.

Amateur. He should have strained it through his sock.