Jokes???

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

[Woodlover]

 

Its an oldy but worth a look if you have never seen before.

 

The European Commission

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.

By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI COM TRU!

Herr Schmidt

[petercb]

On 11/05/2019 at 20:35, djbobbins said:

I was rudely awakened at 2am this morning by two Man United fans playing football with a hedgehog in the street outside my house.

I was upset and disgusted by this, I was just picking up the phone to call the RSPCA when the hedgehog scored.

As a Man U fan I was outraged by this and then I thought yeah that's about right, perhaps we could swap Sanchez for the hedgehog but I bet we would have to put some money to the deal!

[Mark J]

[eggsarascal]

8 minutes ago, Mark J said:

It's a poor joke. I'd guess you know where I learned to play Chess properly.

[difflock]

1 hour ago, Mark J said:

But they are both on black, ergo joke does not work

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

1 hour ago, eggsarascal said:

It's a poor joke. I'd guess you know where I learned to play Chess properly.

 

20 minutes ago, difflock said:

But they are both on black, ergo joke does not work

Bloody intellectuals - first to spoil a gag...

[petercb]

24 minutes ago, difflock said:

But they are both on black, ergo joke does not work

Er its chess and board square colours aren't relevant so the joke stands - unless anyone knows different of course! Intellectuals eh what do they know! 

[Mark Bolam]

33 minutes ago, difflock said:

But they are both on black, ergo joke does not work

You is well racist Marcus.

[Mull]

You is well racist Marcus.

Presbyterian.