I had a good one on Monday.
We were clearing up a fallen holm oak at a local hospital when I got a call.
It went like this..
'I have a fallen tree across my garden, can you come and have a look at it?'
(location - about 10 miles away)
'No problem we've goat all the gear with us can be there in about an hour'
'Oh - I may not want it done, it depends on the price'
'Well we would have to agree a price before we start'
'Yes but if it's too much I'll just leave it, can you give ma an idea over the phone?'
'Not without an accurate description, it depends on access....etc...'
'You may remember the tree, youve done work for me before'
(she then revealed who she was - vague, full of while-you-are-heres and I-though- you'd- take-more-off)
'On the basis that you only seem to want a quote, I can come over at the end of the day and have a look, but I have three more CERTAIN jobs to do so you will have to wait till later'
'Can't you give me any idea of cost?'
'NO'
'Why not?'
'Because if I err on the side of caution you will think I'm expensive and if I give a price that turns out to be low you will be disappointed that I want to charge more when I see it - it's not professional to guess'
'Can you please give me a range - I will not hold you to it'
'OK - if its under 6ft and I think access is easy it could be £30, if its huge and inaccessible it could be into 4 figures'
'Well what time can you come round then?'
This went on for 5 minutes while my guys were trying to keep gawpers out of the work area and all the noise was going on.
Eventually I told her we had too much to do, and I'd phone her back and look at the tree when I had a chance.
I went round on Friday afternoon
It's a 30 ft pine (12'' DB) horrible access so I said £180.
Her reply was
'I was hoping it would be £30 like you said on the phone'
I reminded her of the caveat I put on that statement and suggested she call someone else for a quote or two.
She replied,
'Oh no, I've always used you I wouldn't trust anyone else'
She then asked
'How about you remove the tree and reduce that hedge (3 hours work last time) for £200?.
'No - don't think we are going to agree, I really have to go I'm very busy'
'Before you go do you think I could give the tree to a local charity - they could take it away for free!'
'Given the size and location (and access) they would need a large crane which would cost at least £300 - I don't think that is charitable, nor is it the right sort of tree, nor would it look any good by Christmas'
She looked stunned.
I went home -