Jokes???

[Mark Bolam]

Classic Tommy!

 

Why have you put it in the Joke section though?

[Rich Rule]

How do you get four elderly women to simultaneously shout "f..k?"

 

Get a fifth one to shout "bingo!"

[oldwoodcutter]

A nun walked down the street past a parked car in which a man sat exposing himself.

Somewhat taken aback,and with the local cop shop just round the corner,she called in to report it.

Sgt Stupid behind the front desk asked her all the usual questions - approx age,build,black white or traveller,hair colour etc.

And finally approached the last question,which was purely routeen,but he had to ask it - Was the man in a state of erection?

"No",she said,"i think it was a ford fiesta".

[Big J]

A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest orders it to leave immediately. The boson protests: 'But how can you have mass without me?'

[Graham]

A worldly wise tree surgeon marries his innocent and naive bride.

On their first night they lie in bed and discover their bodies.

 

Darling 'she says' what's that? Oh that's my rope. Honey 'she says' what are those? They're my knots.

 

The night goes on and as they're making love she shouts out 'stop, stop.

 

Honey what's the matter? Am I hurting you? No, no she pants. Can you undo those knots I need more rope.

[nepia]

What cheese do you use to coax a koala towards you?

 

- Comeonbear

 

 

What cheese do you use to hide a small horse?

 

- Mascarpone

[Tree Man Tom]

A major row has broken out in the irish Olympic synchronized diving team after Paddy accused Mick of copying him...

[jamesfwpurdy]

Two monkeys get in a bath.

One said "oooh oooh aaah aaah"

the other said "put some cold in then!!!!"

[Tree Man Tom]

First sailing results are in, Britain have taken gold, the USA have taken silver and Somalia have taken a middle-aged couple from Weymouth.

[Tree Man Tom]

This morning, I've been watching the female athletes on the TV.

 

Unfortunately, I now have a bad case of Ennis Elbow.