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About oldwoodcutter

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  1. There’s about 20 x bigger British Gas vans and 50 little BG vans on Wyton airfield at the moment, along with around a million s/h cars if you wanna cut out the middle man
  2. This is my micrometer and digital calipers set up
  3. I’m having trouble following this load of old cods.
  4. The little Camon or Rayco will soon start earning its keep for you if you keep sharp teeth at the front. If you’ve got a very thick skin and plenty of clauses in your contract, through the house jobs can be profitable, if you go where angels fear to tread so to speak. Personally I steer well clear of those jobs nowadays, as usually the householder is prowling around the kitchen, mobile in hand videoing every step through. The chummy, understanding client at the pricing stage very soon turns into the customer from hell on the day, despite your very best efforts.
  5. 300 feet run, and 12ft high is no half hour job even for a professional. Any takers for £450 - crack on mate
  6. Hedge cutting is an art built up over a many years. If you want it just smashed down then £450 about right. For a first rate job expect to pay twice that .
  7. A while ago I was passing the time of day with a forestry commission fellow and I asked about his berlingo, which seemed a little out of place in the forest. He explained it had some kind of pack on to raise it a bit, but the trick was it was 4wd. Whether it was factory fitted or a fc conversion he didn’t know. The latest small van the commission run about up and down the ride ways at the moment are Ford couriers in the familiar green livery.
  8. So Santa comes down the chimney to be met with a very pretty woman in a skimpy negligée. She says would you like to stay for a mince pie and a drink. No I got to be going thanks, he says. She says well perhaps you’d fancy something else then , as she moves up close to him. No it’s my busiest night of the year I’ve got to be cracking on. So she takes off what little she’s got on and moves up even closer to him. Are you sure I can’t get you to change your mind Santa, as she strokes his beard. Yes I will stay he says, because I can’t get back up the chimney now anyway.
  9. Yesterday afternoon, bit of fun I entered my grandchildren’s school fancy dress competition. I came 2nd in my old dusted off Giraffe costume. I know I didn’t win but at least I can still hold my head high . . . .
  10. So years ago a german lorry driver was at a truckstop in norfolk saying how lazy British truckers are. He boasted he regularly comes from Germany , up through Holland and Belgium to uk drops off his load , then back to Stuttgart with a return load in just 2 days. The Norfolk driver says I used to pick up a load on Norwich , nip over to Düsseldorf, drop my load off,then back the same day and have a fish n chip supper. The gobby Kraut says what sort of rig were you driving then. A Lancaster Bomber came the reply.
  11. As regards ground workers, if you decide to pay one good worker more than the rest, sooner or later the others will find out, and you’ll then have more moaning minnies than you can shake a saw at. My strategy is to employ all good workers and pay them all the same, if they all do the same work with the same qualifications, and to let the free loaders and stand abouts go off back to their gaming consoles.
  12. Friend of mine rents a booth on Hunstanton sea front funfair. He’s been a ventriloquist for 50 years and that’s all he knows really . When I saw him he said business was very bad, he was lucky to get 1 customer a day in to hear his little act. I said to him that a ventriloquist is a bit old hat, everyone nowadays is into spooks and the afterlife, ghosts and spirits that sort of thing. So for once he took my advice as the next time I saw him he was doing seances, and getting into contact with those that had passed over. He hadn’t got a price list on the door but I heard him answer customers price enquiries, He could talk to the dead for £20 He’d get the dead to talk to him for £30 Or for £50 , all of the above whilst drinking a glass of water.
  13. I had a temporary young fellow join the gang a few weeks ago, he’d recently completed a few cs courses which he showed me on his phone. I drove over to the job site and as I was casting an eye over proceedings ,he was bucking up and seemed to me to be standing in an unnatural position. I tapped him on the back and suggested that straddling directly behind a saw with the bar in direct line with your head is a bad idea, even allowing for him, or the inertia actuating the brake, he said that no one had ever told him about that before on any course he’d attended.


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