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Thanks guys for the words of support,Thing is i want and would do anything to get her back but she basically threw me out is refusing to speak to me I have apolgogised and groveled but she just wants space the only break through with her today is she said she might talk to me in a week or two but is to hurt by what i said to her and has her own problems at the momment... i will try and sort this work problem i seem to have and prioritize but its pretty hard to motivate my self for anything now.....60 squid an hour sounds worth a go if it worked for you stevie.

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60 squid an hour sounds worth a go if it worked for you stevie.

 

it is amazing, the world is a different place to me now, i look at it like the Matrix, the blue pill lets you plod away and see the world as you do, or the green one lets you see what it is really like. when i would go on holiday, i would wear clothes i would never wear here, do things i would never do as well, because no one knew me, but it was my own anxiety, feeling i should act a certain way to keep others happy, but the fact is it doesnt matter, i thought the world revolved around my life and actions, but they dont, and that is a great relief to me.:001_smile:

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SWB, when i first met you at capel i thought "wtf is this guy on?!!" because you were like ewen bremner at his job interview in trainspotting:scared1:. i now know that you are just high on life itself and you are a salutary lesson to us all.

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SWB, when i first met you at capel i thought "wtf is this guy on?!!" because you were like ewen bremner at his job interview in trainspotting:scared1:. i now know that you are just high on life itself and you are a salutary lesson to us all.

 

 

other peoples leisure is my pleasure:001_smile:

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I’ve been on edge all week because its been half term and the wife/ex-wife took the children away for a few days. I normally see them 3-4 times a week so as you can imagine – I was really missing them.

 

Anyway, saw them today – everything going great, right up in till my wife and I had a disagreement about whether I could wash my car outside my old house, something snapped inside me, I got upset and my face received 3 intense waves of repeated punches…. (from myself!) My head is now so swollen and bruised I look like a bloody Klingon!!

 

Come-on then guys, psychoanalyse that one! I’m getting concerned now as the children were there – they saw me upset but didn’t see me hit myself as I went into a room alone. I guess it’s a mixture of stress and self-hatred. I would never hit another woman so I guess I was the nearest target – all I know is my face is a mess and my head really hurts!

 

I’ll be easy to spot at the Midlands get-together – I’ll be the one wearing the Straightjacket!

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Thats not good mate.

 

If you havn't seen a professional about the issues in your life and how you are coping with them,I think that now is a good time.Hurting yourself or other people,either physically or mentally is not on.

 

It might be a big step for you to seek help,but I feel strongly that any help you get is well overdue.

 

Take it easy big fella

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John, I can't emagine what you going threw with your kids, but a few weeks ago i done simular but with a hot cup of coffee smashing cup against my head my rage and anger was terrible. I suppose to me i perfered to hurt myself instead of releasing the anger on someone else, after i calmed down and looked in the mirror i had to laugh (had a big egg lump on head).

 

Regarding help mate its hard everyone is different tablets didnt work for me it made me numb to everything i was dribbling and everything, saw a shrink and that just made me angry though the questions were a waste of time, Shrink decided CBT wouldn't work so they just doubled my dose.

I find it easier to speak to people on here than face to face, Take it easy mate don't let things get to you(easyier said than done i know).

Looks like you have 2 lovely kids there John get your strenght from them to keep going, take care and look after youself.:001_smile:

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