Depression

[Taupotreeman]

Sooooo, Ive been off the forum for a good few years, mainly battling my own depression, anger and anxiety, going through a breakdown for the 2nd or 3rd time etc etc and then finding friends and colleagues in and out of the industry that never made it through. From my own struggles and, if I can, I'll just pass on what Ive learned.

In 2016, I was sleeping less than 2 hours a day, a million thoughts rushing through my head but unable to focus on any particular one, feeling the worst about myself, what people thought of me and where the hell my life was going. Psychological bullying at my workplace of the time was making matters worse to the point I knew I needed help, and quickly. Walked into my doctor and told him I needed help, how I was feeling etc and, fortunately, he got me a psyche consult. Anyway, shrink 1 immediately diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder with comorbidities of major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder and a few others just to get the royal flush. Immediately prescribed a battery of blood tests, put me on sertraline 150mg and got me set up with a psychologist.

Once the sertraline kicked in, I had enough clarity of thought to leave my job. I was also able to work through a lifetime of issues, research the disorder and begin to understand triggers etc. It also made me realize what an absolute arsehole I'd been to some people and Ive since tried to make amends.

SSRI's have a downside in that, if you take a high enough dose (like me) they can have the affect of emotional numbing. This means all of your other emotions, happiness, excitement etc are muted. It can be hard but, they do help get you through those patches where you really feel like life is getting away from you. You need time for them to work though so don't dismiss them after a month or two because you don't feel they work. I've managed to reduce mine to 75mg a day but i'll be on them for life most likely and that's OK with me, they allow me to function somewhere resembling a normal human being. It's hard work to keep myself balanced but that dose seems to be a happy medium between being a zombie and being almost schizophrenic.

My advise, if it's worth anything at all, is to take the hints that the depression is giving you and seek professional help, even if it means going private. Depression is hard to fight at times, especially on your own so make sure you take your loved ones along "the journey" as they will be your help and support. They can't help if they don't know.

Sorry for the waffle but, I'm very much for raising awareness of mental disorders, depression etc. As men, we don't speak out about it, we act staunch, we bottle it up, we think we are a weaker person if we admit it. Don't be one of those people.

[Squaredy]

3 hours ago, Taupotreeman said:

Sooooo, Ive been off the forum for a good few years, mainly battling my own depression, anger and anxiety, going through a breakdown for the 2nd or 3rd time etc etc and then finding friends and colleagues in and out of the industry that never made it through. From my own struggles and, if I can, I'll just pass on what Ive learned.

In 2016, I was sleeping less than 2 hours a day, a million thoughts rushing through my head but unable to focus on any particular one, feeling the worst about myself, what people thought of me and where the hell my life was going. Psychological bullying at my workplace of the time was making matters worse to the point I knew I needed help, and quickly. Walked into my doctor and told him I needed help, how I was feeling etc and, fortunately, he got me a psyche consult. Anyway, shrink 1 immediately diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder with comorbidities of major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder and a few others just to get the royal flush. Immediately prescribed a battery of blood tests, put me on sertraline 150mg and got me set up with a psychologist.

Once the sertraline kicked in, I had enough clarity of thought to leave my job. I was also able to work through a lifetime of issues, research the disorder and begin to understand triggers etc. It also made me realize what an absolute arsehole I'd been to some people and Ive since tried to make amends.

SSRI's have a downside in that, if you take a high enough dose (like me) they can have the affect of emotional numbing. This means all of your other emotions, happiness, excitement etc are muted. It can be hard but, they do help get you through those patches where you really feel like life is getting away from you. You need time for them to work though so don't dismiss them after a month or two because you don't feel they work. I've managed to reduce mine to 75mg a day but i'll be on them for life most likely and that's OK with me, they allow me to function somewhere resembling a normal human being. It's hard work to keep myself balanced but that dose seems to be a happy medium between being a zombie and being almost schizophrenic.

My advise, if it's worth anything at all, is to take the hints that the depression is giving you and seek professional help, even if it means going private. Depression is hard to fight at times, especially on your own so make sure you take your loved ones along "the journey" as they will be your help and support. They can't help if they don't know.

Sorry for the waffle but, I'm very much for raising awareness of mental disorders, depression etc. As men, we don't speak out about it, we act staunch, we bottle it up, we think we are a weaker person if we admit it. Don't be one of those people.

Thank you for sharing your story.  I hope things continue to improve for you.

[Taupotreeman]

42 minutes ago, Squaredy said:

Thank you for sharing your story.  I hope things continue to improve for you.

They will. I've learned to treat people how I want to be treated, money isn't the B all and end all. I've figured to enjoy the days as they come, not worry about how much money I earn, to not got involved with other people's ego's etc. Some of my past mistakes still haunt me and I'll hold those regrets for ever but, I try and be a GC these days. Being nice to someone or doing the odd charity job just because I can,ental brown points.

[swinny]

8 hours ago, Taupotreeman said:

They will. I've learned to treat people how I want to be treated, money isn't the B all and end all. I've figured to enjoy the days as they come, not worry about how much money I earn, to not got involved with other people's ego's etc. Some of my past mistakes still haunt me and I'll hold those regrets for ever but, I try and be a GC these days. Being nice to someone or doing the odd charity job just because I can,ental brown points.

You see I've tried all this and still do be nice to others and how you want to be treated etc, maybe its the people of today but I usually get shit on more often than not. Its wearing thin

 

Haven't read your original post though by the way as only seen stubbys reply was to your original post.

Edited June 30 by swinny
Haven't read your original post though by the way as only seen stubbys reply was to your original post.

[Mick Dempsey]

Nice to read you anyway @Taupotreeman

[Taupotreeman]

5 hours ago, swinny said:

You see I've tried all this and still do be nice to others and how you want to be treated etc, maybe its the people of today but I usually get shit on more often than not. Its wearing thin

 

Haven't read your original post though by the way as only seen stubbys reply was to your original post.

You have to move on quickly mate. I have mates that I can't work with because of their egos at work. I keep my good customers but don't entertain arsehole customers. To be fair, Im happier to do nnothing than work for or with someone that's just going to pull my chains. I have a couple of good contractors and we make the jobs fun. Same with friends and family. I stay out of the dramas and away from the egos.

[Anno]

Sorry to hear, I think most of us will hit at at some point, to some degree.

20 odd years ago over 4 years I buried both parents and went through a nasty divorce I didn't want, threw myself into work and finally got sent to a Counsellor who said after 15 minutes 'you seem fine, let me know if you need me again'

the most powerful force for good, for me and for many people is music, highly recommended, your genre / band of choice - for me the world is always better with a little Zeppelin blasting out!

Good luck and healing thoughts to you @eggsarascal

[AHPP]

2 hours ago, Anno said:

Sorry to hear, I think most of us will hit at at some point, to some degree.

20 odd years ago over 4 years I buried both parents and went through a nasty divorce I didn't want, threw myself into work and finally got sent to a Counsellor who said after 15 minutes 'you seem fine, let me know if you need me again'

the most powerful force for good, for me and for many people is music, highly recommended, your genre / band of choice - for me the world is always better with a little Zeppelin blasting out!

Good luck and healing thoughts to you @eggsarascal

 

 

Bring me the Horizon making it to measure. 

 

 

[eggsarascal]

14 hours ago, Anno said:

Sorry to hear, I think most of us will hit at at some point, to some degree.

20 odd years ago over 4 years I buried both parents and went through a nasty divorce I didn't want, threw myself into work and finally got sent to a Counsellor who said after 15 minutes 'you seem fine, let me know if you need me again'

the most powerful force for good, for me and for many people is music, highly recommended, your genre / band of choice - for me the world is always better with a little Zeppelin blasting out!

Good luck and healing thoughts to you @eggsarascal

I’ll be right @Anno, it always comes good, even if I have to force it at times. That said I’ve been fairly remote for a couple of weeks with little or no access to the internet, and phone signal until yesterday when I spoke to our oldest kid, apparently the old bill have been to his looking for me, (I use his address as my base), I’ve no idea what they want, and they wouldn’t tell my brother. Spoke to a brief this evening, he’s going to ring them then get back to me. Sounds serious, but I’m genuinely at a loss as why they want to speak to me.

[spudulike]

Your life makes mine seem pretty boring, hope the old bill is nothing serious.

On the music front, stick to Zeppelin and don't get in to Linkin Park...I like the music but it is pretty depressing.