Jokes???

[Tommy_B]

I know, sorry mate!!! I bet you laughed though!!!

[Mozza]

I know, sorry mate!!! I bet you laughed though!!!

 

I wouldnt say but more haha

[Tommy_B]

I know what you mean mate. Someone told me that today, And when they're that bad, you have to pass em on!! haha!!!

[Mark Bolam]

How do you kill a circus?

 

Go for the juggler......

[tommer9]

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Daily News comes this story of a Leicester couple who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the car park.

 

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..

 

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.

 

The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

[Lyn Ed]

such an unfair world, when a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harrassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man its £1.50 a minute, some networks may vary.

[Lyn Ed]

stevie wonder plays a 3 hour concert in tokyo, at the end he asks if there are any requests and a japanese man at the front shouts "play a jazz chord", so stevie plays 15 minutes of perfect harlem jazz, then the same man shouts "no! play a jazz chord" so stevie says "if you can do better come up and have a go" so the japanese man sits at the piano picks up the microphone and sings " a jazz chord to say a ruv you"

[nepia]

Bloke's shagging a 30-stone woman. 'Any chance of having the light out?' he asks. 'Why? Do you find me repulsive?' 'No; it's burning my arse'.

[Mark J]

Asthmatics - Avoid going on holiday anywhere described as "Breathtaking".

[Ian Flatters]

Greenie revenge ---

 

The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible

for getting horses banned from National parks and forests, was

climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Owl

attacked her for invading its nesting site.

 

In a panic to escape, she slid down the tree, getting a great number

of splinters lodged in her crotch area. In considerable pain she

hurried to the nearest doctor, told him she was an environmentalist

and how she got all the splinters.

The doctor listened with great patience and then told her to go into

the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She waited

for 3 hours before the doctor reappeared.

Angry, the woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'

'Well...' replied the doctor, '...I had to get permits from the

Parks And Wildlife Service; the Wilderness Society and the Department

of Conservation and Land Management before I could remove 'old growth

timber' from a 'recreational area' . . .

I'm sorry, but they all turned me down.'