Jokes???

[Honda]

Due to an unfortunate spacing error while booking our holiday online, I am now looking forward to a week on the Norfolk B roads.

[Ratman]

[HuntingHicap]

7up - also know as "Snow White"

[timbernut]

Took a moment[emoji849]

[Ratman]

The plane just landed at Belfast airport n after coming to a halt, the Pilot does his customary speech but forgets to switch the intercom off!
The Co-pilot asks the Pilot what he has got planned for the rest of the evening n the Pilot replies, "First up am goin for a shite n then am gonny bang the arse aff that new wee stewardess" Unaware every passenger has just heard him !!!!
The wee stewardess was mortified and started running up to the cockpit to confront him, but trips and falls right before the cockpit door.
A wee wommin helps her up and says, "Take yer time love, he’s going fur a shite first"

[eggsarascal]

On the tools.

 

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On The Tools, Tamworth. 2.4M likes. On The Tools is a place for construction workers in the UK and all across the globe...

 

Watch some of the videos.

Edited July 28, 2019 by eggsarascal

[Ratman]

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.
By chance Lulu's grandma came by.

Grandma asked "why are you standing in line here dear,

Not willing to tell her the truth, Lulu told her that the police were handing out free Oranges and she was just lining up for some.

Grandma says that's awfully nice of them. I think I will get some for myself and joined the end of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed,

Wow still going at it at your age. How do you do it old girl?

Grandma replied "oh its easy dear, I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry"

The policeman fainted!!!

[Mark J]

I was feeling low yesterday and the wife said " Cheer up, it could be worse, you could be stuck down a deep hole with water at the bottom"

She means well.

[felixthelogchopper]

One for my fellow cat staff.

[Ratman]

An undercover cop called at my farm in Frankby yesterday evening...
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.

“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this fucking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the fuck I want, have I made myself clear?!”

I nodded politely, apologised, and went about my work. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by my angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.

I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs,

“Your badge, show him your fucking badge!”