Jokes???

[the village idiot]

3 hours ago, TIMON said:

 

 

That’s Wicked! Apparently someone’s level of maturity can be judged by what kind of jokes they will laugh at.....
I’m obviously not as far on as I thought I was, said wiping up spat out coffee.

 

 

Yup, not proud of this one.

 

It's a re-hash of a meme I saw a while back.

 

Wasn't going to post it, but then thought what the heck, you guys will take it in the spirit in which it was meant.

[Husqvarna King]

An Irishman walks into a sandwich shop and sees the sign says 'sandwiches £5, hand jobs £10'. He looks to the counter and sees a beautiful blond with a stunning figure and very pretty face. " Do you do the wanking?" he asks. "Yes I do." she replied. "Well wash your hands, i'll have two cheese sandwiches!!" ?

Edited March 11, 2018 by Husqvarna King

[Mick Dempsey]

[onetruth]

T'was parents' evening today - I knew we should have gone private...

 

[felixthelogchopper]

14 hours ago, onetruth said:

T'was parents' evening today - I knew we should have gone private...

 

Kids today, eh? When I was at school, it was understood that stuff like that belonged in RE books.

[peatff]

On 3/11/2018 at 14:03, the village idiot said:

Four years ago the wife and I had a ginger son.

 

I am over the shock now, and life has pretty much returned to normal. I am a 'make the best of a bad situation' kind of guy.

 

Before we knew it was time for Angus' first day at big school.

 

My wife was running late that morning and asked if I could get Angus ready.

 

So I punched him the face and took away his dinner money.

I was really into the Harry Potter films until I started to really analyse the meaning behind them and the message they carried and the Ron Weasley character was what ruined it for me. I mean who ever heard of a ginger kid with two friends.

Edited March 25, 2018 by peatff

[Billhook]

On 23/03/2018 at 11:36, Mick Dempsey said:

 

[eggsarascal]

 

 

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy,
"I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager," My wife is from New Zealand !"
"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"

 

 

[Will C]

2 fish in a tank, one said to the other “you know how to drive this thing?”

[Rough Hewn]

Made me laugh

 

IMG_1555.MP4