Letter from Lord Pickles

[Shane]

Today I finally achieved my true standing.

I received a letter from the Rt Hon The Lord Pickles.

 

He wants me to write a 1000 word review (to be published in the Parliamentary Review) about the challenges my company has faced, how I have responded to them and my hopes for the future.

It goes on to say that he and his co-chairman (Lord Blunkett) will invite me to their annual gala (held in Westminster) where guest speakers and attendees have included Nick Clegg, George Osborne and Tony Blair as well as Frank Lampard and Jonny Wilkinson.

 

The idea is to share knowledge and best practice in an attempt to raise standards!

 

So I thought 'bollocks to all you losers on Arbtalk - now's my chance to tell the world how WE do it rather than all the waffle from the HSE, Arb Association, etc.'

But then I thought... 'Hang on, is this an evil trick by Mr Bolam? Can it be true, why pick me, I'm just one of kazillions of low lifes running a 3.499 ton transit and scratching a living that includes frequent ablutive deeds in the back of my truck and hiding from my bank manager.

 

It turns out, according to the interweb, that The Parliamentary Review is NOT anything to do with our esteemed Government but is run privately. AND it transpires that there is a small fee (£3,500) to appear in the publication and attend the gala din dins.

 

Well fick me, that's my delusions up in flames again.

How many of my potential customers are regular readers of The Parliamentary Review?

Who would pay £3.5k to listen to Frank Lampard or play hide and seek with Lord Blunkett? 

I was wondering if anyone else has been specially selected.

Apparently a few schools have paid for the privilege of appearing in the Education part of all this.

Shame they aren't helping sort out Brexit rather than trying to scam us.

 

 

[Mark Bolam]

Go for it Shane!

 

What have you got to lose?

[Rob D]

Oh mate £3.5k for such an opportunity has got to be money well spent

Better get in there quick for someone else does ?

 

[Khriss]

You get yr say - which actually counts. K

[Richard Johnsn]

We got one from Lord Flashard too. Boom, boom b******s

[Dan Maynard]

£3.5k? Blimey that is steep. I have had one of these letters but it ended up in the bin before I got as far as finding out the deal, looked too full of bs for me.

[eggsarascal]

I'd go and talk shit to them, nothing new there, before you start Bolam.

[Mick Dempsey]

I got a email today asking for money, otherwise they’d release webcam footage of me ‘watching’ porn on my iPad to all my contacts.

 

Must remember to brush my hair from now on beforehand...

 

 

[aspenarb]

I think we should have a whip round and raise the 3.5k for Shane to give it a proper blast , it would worth it if only one of the twats got to read it.

 

Bob

[wicklamulla]

they don't loike it up 'em.