Joe Newton

Definitely seems to be the simplest solution

I dont like how they're glamourising tree surgery. £120 for 2 men for 2 hours is daylight robbery, and can anyone show me the flash tree cutter raking in 21 grand a year? Load of bollocks

So is driving to work or trying to cook a bacon sandwich if you don't know how to do it.

I can cut trees fairly well and am nigh on unbeatable at making inappropriate comments at the worst possible time

Fuck it, I wasn't going to bother as mines a fairly boring one. I've not survived prison attacks and had "Undisputed" films made after me, and I've not had much in the way of hardship. My dad's work meant I moved to Belgium aged ten, then France aged thirteen and back to England at fifteen. I did pretty well at school until after my GCSEs, when I was more concerned with getting stoned and going to underground rock gigs. After one hand arsed year of a levels both myself and my school mutually agreed that the second year was a waste of time. I had no interest in uni and they had no interest in students that had no interest in uni. The fact that I was to clever for my own good didn't help things. I got an apprenticeship as a groundskeeper at a private school. General maintenance and tractor driving, along with maintaining the sports pitches between multiple breaks. Cushy shit. I did that from 17 to 22, when I finally got bored and pestered my local tree surgeon for a job. I think the boss was happy to have someone so keen for a job, so took me on. It was a small three man team and I was keen to climb so they threw me at whatever they could. I was an intolerable gobshite, but competitive and didn't like failure, so before long I was running a crew and ended up thinking I was pretty good. I want happy with the money though, and getting a bit stale at that firm, so I handed in my notice and went freelance, whoring myself to whoever would have me. Two years into the subby thing and its been both humbling and refreshing to work with some great lads. I've worked with people that I wish I'd meet sooner and others I hope I don't cross paths with again. I guess I'm lucky to have lead a pretty sheltered life!

There's 200 grams between the 560 and the 462. That's a years supply for a lot of arbs I know!

Capstan winch... for winching, not lowering.

No less than I am when you try to widen my exhaust port...

Basically bullies who've spent their lives telling other people "How it is" and don't like being on the receiving end.

Just make something up, if you get found out, refer to YouTube.

I took great delight in having this conversation with a retired police officer a couple of years ago. He was so confident and authoritative, informing me that it would be criminal damage, and that I absolutely did not have his permission to touch his cherry tree. "I know the law, I was a policeman for thirty years!". I politely informed him that there wasn't a problem, since I didn't need his permission, and the landowners were well within their rights to have his tree cut back to the boundary, but I could bring the cuttings round for him if it would be helpful. I didn't get an answer to that one, and disappointingly didn't get so much as a filthy stare as I cut his tree back to boundary. I'm not sure why I get a twisted pleasure out of annoying people who try to tell me my job...

Legally he has to, but when they decline its his responsibility to dispose of.

As I understand it legally your old man was in the wrong. I believe you have to offer the arisings back as technically its the owners property, but if they decline its your responsibility to remove them. You can't just stuff it back and make them deal with it basically

Fair one, I'm a humble subby, not a company owner. Running your own jobs its easier to build the cost into your overheads. Plus I usually use whatever mix the company has on the day.

I couldn't speak for him, but probably! Not knocking your product, but if it were more competitive it'd be far more attractive. I figure 5l of pump fuel and decent 2 stroke costs me between £8-9 quid. Can't remember what aspen cost, but its more than a couple of quid dearer!

Why do you think he said "without"?

For those who take emergency first aid seriously, as we should though, I have my take on it. As a subby climber roughly a third of my lunch backpack is taken up by my first aid kit. I dont believe I should have to carry a team kit, but I've worked for too many companies where the van kit is a Halfords camping kit or the like. I've removed the plasters and the small dressings, we're not looking at paper cuts. I've added: 2 emergency blankets. One isn't enough, you want one layer to act as an insulator between the casualty and the ground. The second can wrap the casualty and preserve body temperature. Eye wash and bandages. It's important. Of my eight years climbing the two hospital trips have been fired for eye injuries, including blunt force trauma and lacerations to the cornea. Bleeding from the eye is no fun. Cold packs. Not a necessity, but bumps and sprains need cooling to prevent inflammation, not rubbing with some quacks magic ointment. Tuff cut shears. You might need to cut through the sane stuff you expect to stop a chainsaw. Burn gauze: we work with petrol and combustion engines. Burns suck massively, it's worth having. Now for the serious stuff, and its important to understand that this kit is useless unless your first aider understands it. Torniquet: I like the RATS torniquet because its easily applied with one hand, and fits over a chainsaw boot and leg. This is a life or limb resort. You don't reach for it first. In the event of massive trauma like an arterial bleed it can mean the difference between keeping someone alive and not. If other methods of blood control have failed, you'll need this. Try and note the time of application, it will be useful to the docs. Israeli Bandage: great for any kind of severe wound. Can apply pressure (not as much as a torniquet, I've tried) and stop moderate to heavy blood flow. Can be used along side celox. Celox or other haemostatic products: these vary in design, but I prefer the gauze over the powder. Mainly because wind or height won't cause you to spill or lose it. You can push this into a cut to stop severe blood flow. Indispensable for neck lacerations where pressure bandages and tourniquets are not an option. Large absorbent dressings: to pack out wounds that are too large for haemostatic gauze to fill. Note that I've no more first aid training than most of you, but if rather have the kit and not need it than the other way around. Call it the condom principle.

For once I agree with you, for things such as bumped limbs and bruises, I meditate. For instance, I was chucking stub cuts into the chipper with my second climber, and I turned around as he was chucking one. Caught a log above my eye. Split the skin and swelled up like an egg. I'm pretty sure it would have been fatal had I not walked away and meditated until the pain and anger had subsided. I live to spread the word

Yeah, the horizontal line doesn't really benefit you much imo. Ideally you want two high points going out at opposite angles to your limb walk for it to be really beneficial.

Nah, literally just add another doubled rope system to a different anchor point, just like your main line, but to somewhere else in the canopy, wherever is going to work. That way your weight is supported in 2 directions, kind of triangulating yourself, and you still have your lanyard available to clip in where you want to cut. I haven't got a picture to hand, but if its still unclear ill get busy with paint.

Bollocks. Climb the tree when you can if its easier.

I can do then as long as my free hand is bracing my wrist, but I'm guessing that doesn't count. My elbows have been battered enough anyway, I'd rather just chuck my rope up. At the risk of sounding snarky, if you're having to use that much brute force, you're working too hard and not efficient enough. Look for easier ways (not to be confused with lazy shortcuts) and practice them until its easy.

Mate, try working for some of my local councils... I genuinely had a tree officer come out and tell me that if any residents wanted anything else doing, just keep them happy...

Well really! Wait till he starts telling you that you've been doing shit wrong...

Sounds like Jonah Hill. It makes a lot of sense that Vesp gets his ""knowledge" from videos like these. I reckon he also learn how to pick up chicks from Kobe Bryant's YouTube channel. Moral of the story is that if you're happy to learn from any old dickhead, that's what you learn to be.