Funny innuendos customers say

[Thesnarlingbadger]

Had a lady say to a work mate. "I thought you were quite skilled the way you handled your chopper". Had me crying with laughter behind a hedge and him staring her in the face trying not to laugh.

[geoff]

I had a woman client with a broken ankle who told me she was flat on her back for a week getting screwed and plated....ahem.

[Vespasian]

ex girlfriends sister asked for dildo rail..

 

then there was the time a woman shouted across the pub if I'd come round Monday an trim her bush.. hahah, took me a while to get why everyone in the pub was sniggerin...

[djbobbins]

Not quite the same, but when I was working in an office, we were talking to our manager's PA about something to do with the electronic calendar system and what types of meetings different people had visibility of. Whilst standing there in the middle of the office, she came out with the cracker of "Oh yes, I can see Keith's privates!"

[peatff]

Years ago a very proper middle aged woman came to my friend to ask about a job and his golden retriever was very interested in her pushing his nose into her crotch. Her words " I bet he can smell my pussy" we all has to disappear quickly and leave his missus to take the details.

[Farmer Tom]

There was this little lady in her eighties who frequented my local with her husband.

One night she said "Oooh, I've been out collecting blackberries with Cyril, Oooh, never had so many pr1cks in me!".

The pub fell silent... then she realised what she'd said....pub erupted...

[JimM]

Genuinely went into my dealer today with my Stihl 131 pole saw. Great girl on the counter. "Think the problem's with my shaft" . The engineer popped out and she had to explain. Leading to his comment that it was quite an impressive one. And so it went on.

She asked me to leave when I asked if it would be well lubricated when it was serviced.

Still grinning. :-)

[Starscream]

Went back to the office the other day to check my diary and there had been no entry's by the secretary or the other girl. I said to Rita the secretary, "oh, there's not been an entry today?" To which the lad behind me said, "Rita has an entry everyday don't worry about that!" She just smiled!!! I didn't know whether to laugh or get a semi!

[richy_B]

I had an enquiry about chipping some brash piles left from previous works - 'I've got a serious issue with piles and people keep tripping over them' was the exact phrase used....

[Ruskins Trees]

Went to a very large country house and the very posh (old) lady of the house, knew what she wanted, it was a Pine, but being a keen gardener she mispronounced the scientific name.

 

How I held it together as she told me she wanted a penis, a wide one, about 18ft tall and how she liked a penis, I don't know.

 

I did not correct her as I wanted other people to enjoy this.