My accident

[Darrin Turnbull]

Hello Sean , i'm wishing all best. Try and get some decent grub sent/smuggled in. Even if it's two/three times a week.

I find reading your post's quite inspiring. Plus your humour is excellent.

[woody woodpecker]

Hi Sean stay positive and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

best wishes to you and yours chris

[sean]

WARNING: THERE WILL BE SOME CONTENT THAT SOME OF YOU WOULD RATHER NOT READ DUE TO REFERENCES TO BODILY FUNCTIONS SO IF YOU ARE THAT WAY INCLINED DONT BOTHER OR ALTERNATIVELY DO NOT READ WHILST EATING CHOCOLATE MOUSSE OR CONGEALED GRAVY

 

The weekend. ( 28th/29th March)

 

 

Feeling a little low this morning after a couple more setbacks. I was supposed to be coming to Salisbury with a view to starting my rehab but unfortunately whoever/whatever deals the cards for each of us is either not shuffling them or its pissed off with me right now.

 

Early Saturday evening the nurse came to carry out the manual evacuation of my bowels. This entails me laying on my side practically naked looking like god knows what. I would say a trussed up plucked chicken but an Emu or an Ostrich would probably be a more suitable comparison. The nurses gloved hands then go about their work inside my rectum. (I'm sure there are Tory MP's who would pay bloody good money for services like this in Mayfair!

I had a kind of out of body experience when I was looking down at this proud, private man (me) and seeing what he had become. This triggered all sorts of feelings within me and I started to cry, this quickly turned into a sob and I started to break down. Anyway the nurse finished up what she was doing and left to be replaced by another to give me my wash. Halfway through the wash I shivered from a chill through the window which quickly developed into uncontrollable shaking. However much I tried I couldn't stop. My breathing was all over the place and despite wearing an Oxygen mask my levels were plummeting. WTF was happening to me. I was in the midst of a full on panic attack which lasted for about 20 mins during which I also thought I was going to have a heart attack. Scary ****.

 

If the previous evenings events weren't enough Sunday morning I was informed that I had now contracted clostridium Difficile (look it up) and I was unable to leave my nice private room and move onto the ward. Well at least one good thing came out of it as I'm not ready to be on a ward yet as I still cannot sit up. When the nurse explained to me what I had I did In fact say to her that I didn't really want to move and isn't it amazing what you can buy on Amazon these days.

 

It's bloody weird having physio on my legs. Watching my legs go up and down and side to side without any feeling freaks me out. I have to look away at times as its too much to handle. I have perfectly formed, working legs but the messages aren't getting them to move. That's the sad part. I just want to scream at them to '******* move'!

 

Still thankful for all the support I have around me, the food parcels that are coming in and the love and energy sent my way. Despite the set backs I have woken this morning and the sun is shining. I have been measured for a wheel chair which despite emphasising how real this situation is also feels like a step( I wish ) further in my quest to get out of here and on with my life.

[Mountain man]

Loss of dignity can be a terrible thing, when I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks for those ribs I mentioned a while back I didnt "go" for the first 10 days.

I built up a friendly rapport with the nurses, thinking myself quite the heroic figure.

So nature took its course and I requested the chair with the hole. It was a weird feeling sitting in the middle of the room straining (cos it was rock solid by now) hoping no one would walk in. Then I had to hand this.....matter over to the pretty nurse, who had to inspect it! The horror!

Keep going Sean.

[humpo48]

My heart goes out to you Sean, stay strong.

[Macca]

Keeping my fingers crossed for you Sean hope you get some good news soon!

[stihlmadd]

I don't know you Sean but after seeing the X-rays and reading your story I would like you to know I feel for you. the X-rays left me at a loss for words and I had to rethink my bravado in the face of such strong images.

I was gifted with a 5 week stint in a public hospital many years ago after surviving total liver failure after a botched gall bladder removal and outside food did make a difference in my stay.( and received those suppositories and catheters and nasogastric tubes with nurses cold hands on my shrivelled bits )

still small compared to your journey, I can only begin to grasp what lies ahead.

please accept my positive thoughts to your recovery.

Ben.

[bobh]

I can only guess what you're going through mate,

Thinking of you, stay strong

[silky fox]

Inspiring us all with your on going story is a very noble thing Sean...you are a great example to everyone...keep on in there!

[Fib]

Respect Sean... Hang in there.