Jokes???

[geoff]

Quick pic I got,says it all I think......

 

IMG_0018 by geoff321, on Flickr

[RobRainford]

Wife: Hi, did you eat?

Me: Did you eat?

Wife: Are you copying me?

Me: Are you copying me?

Wife: I love you!

Me: Yes, I already ate.

[upagreen1]

Why did the Baker have brown hands? because he needed a POO!

I had to google that one. It might have made more sense if it had been spelt "kneaded". It still wouldnt have been funny though.

[pgkevet]

**A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra

money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman"

and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

 

**She went to the front door of the first house and asked the

owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

 

**"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said.

"How much will you charge me?"

 

**Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

 

**The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and

everything she would need were in the garage.

 

**The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,

"Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

 

**"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

 

**The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe

all those dumb blonde jokes.

 

**A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

**"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

 

**"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I

gave it two coats."

 

**Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed

it to her along with a $10 tip.

 

**"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch,

it's a Lexus.."

[alex_m]

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth fairy etc.

 

Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that **** anymore, thank God.

[Paul Jenks]

My wife and i walked past a swanky restaurant​ last night ' did you smell that food it smelt incredible​ ' she said . Being the nice guy i am i thought ' sod it i'll treat her ' so we walked past again.

 

I liked that. It even got a small chuckle from my wife as I told it.

[Matthew Arnold]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.The chicken, with a satisfied smile on it's face, is leaning up against the headboard smoking a ciggy.The egg, looking very annoyed, grabs the sheets, rolls over, and says "Well I guess we just answered that question!"

[Matthew Arnold]

Highly amusing adverts:thumbup:

 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Atj_rTsHtLw]Guzzle Puzzle Helpline - The Natural Confectionery Co. - YouTube[/ame]

 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTWnVyHNRjY&feature=related]Guzzle Puzzle: Magic Catdonkey - YouTube[/ame]

[wisewood]

How do you titillate an oscillot ?

 

You oscillate its tits a lot

[Mark J]

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

 

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

 

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

 

"Salad tastes nice."