Jokes???

[timbernut]

[Starscream]

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it means that you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him. ' Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.

'You must be new, 'says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it means that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.

The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £250 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You havent had the chance to see all our facilities.'

The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month but I fart 15 times a day.

 

Outstanding!!! Had me and my pals in stitches!

[Shane]

If sperm tasted of chocolate, how different the world would be.....

EVERYONE would be happy.

There would be no lesbians.

Our species would die out in a generation, but die happy.

[inthewoods]

Old rosie was 'er name...

[bluebedouin]

Saw this on another forum this morning.

[aspenarb]

Just as you can get insurance for cars, property, sports, etc.,

 

 

You can now get insurance for sex!

 

 

Make sure you get the correct insurance for the sex you are having.

 

 

 

 

To assist, please find a list of companies catering for most tastes :-

 

 

a) Sex with your wife - Legal & General

 

 

b) Sex on the telephone - Direct Line

 

 

c) Sex with your Partner - Standard Life

 

 

d) Sex with someone Different - Go Compare

 

 

e) Sex with a lady of generous proportions - More Than

 

 

f) Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels

 

g) Sex with a prostitute - Commercial Union

 

h) Sex with your daily help - Employer's Liability

 

i) Sex with an OAP - SAGA

 

 

j) Sex resulting in pregnancy - General Accident

 

 

and finally………..

 

k). Sex with a transvestite - Confused.com

 

 

Make sure you are adequately covered!

[Will Heal]

???????

[Stubby]

Just as you can get insurance for cars, property, sports, etc.,

 

 

You can now get insurance for sex!

 

 

Make sure you get the correct insurance for the sex you are having.

 

 

 

 

To assist, please find a list of companies catering for most tastes :-

 

 

a) Sex with your wife - Legal & General

 

 

b) Sex on the telephone - Direct Line

 

 

c) Sex with your Partner - Standard Life

 

 

d) Sex with someone Different - Go Compare

 

 

e) Sex with a lady of generous proportions - More Than

 

 

f) Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels

 

g) Sex with a prostitute - Commercial Union

 

h) Sex with your daily help - Employer's Liability

 

i) Sex with an OAP - SAGA

 

 

j) Sex resulting in pregnancy - General Accident

 

 

and finally………..

 

k). Sex with a transvestite - Confused.com

 

 

Make sure you are adequately covered!

 

 

Superb !

[oldwoodcutter]

Even Mrs oldwoodcutter, a woman not noted for busting a gut, laughed when I read that out. Excellent.

[Mark Bolam]

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Awkward silence.

I don't get it?