Jokes???

[geoff]

A girl sneezed in the pub and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and we got chatting. After a few beers, I took her home and shagged her. Wondering if she was a bit of a slapper I asked her, Do you Shag everyone on a first date. She said no, Only those that catch my eye.

 

Your a bad man mate!

[geoff]

Might be a bit near the mark, but I was sent this & had a gut laugh..

 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvuJO3cB7Xo&feature=kp]penis song - YouTube[/ame]

[geoff]

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

 

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

---------------------------------

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

 

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep..

 

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."

 

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

 

"Where are you going?" she asked.

 

"To get my teeth!"

[Bob Slade]

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, it's because you're 25."

[Stephen Blair]

Ha ha, wasn't expecting that

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Arbtalk

[Stubby]

Might be a bit near the mark, but I was sent this & had a gut laugh..

 

 

Superb !

[treeman61]

I had an amazing dream last night about bacon.......woke up this morning with a huge lardon

[Al Cormack]

I have often been confused when I heard the word 'service' used with these agencies:

 

Banking 'Service'

Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Pay TV 'Service'

State & Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

Bureaucratic 'Service'

 

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

 

Recently I visited my son Adam’s farm and he had hired a bull to 'Service' his cows.

 

Suddenly WOW!!! It all came clear.

 

Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us!

[MaxwellArb]

My favourite of all time...

[PeteB]

My favourite of all time...

 

'Bout right, that....