Jokes???

[Conor Wright]

4 hours ago, timbernut said:

Think that dog would appreciate this!

Somebody knows what's going on.

[timbernut]

I’ve been saying this for 25yrs:
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/environment/environment-could-have-been-saved-years-ago-if-protesters-didnt-look-like-twats-20190416184739

[s o c]

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

[Mark J]

A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa

[topchippyles]

Pets watch out

[Woodworks]

The Police have found a large number of dead crows on the A1081 just outside Harpenden early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The investigators then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"

[Ferguson system]

I found this at a Swedish site:

"Metro in Stockholm

After a VERY tiring day, a female commuter sits down quietly on the seat, 
closing her eyes and trying to get a nap.
When the train rolls out of the station, 
the guy sitting next to her picks up his phone, 
and starts talking with a loud voice.
- Hello, honey, Erik here.
 I am on the train - Yes, yes, the clock is half past seven and not half 5, 
but I had a long meeting ...
No, not with the blonde from the Treasury,
it was the boss - No darling you are the only one in my life, 
yes darling, of course I swear you are the only one in my life.
Fifteen minutes later, 
he still sits and talks loudly while he commits his love.
Now the female commuter has had enough, 
she leans towards him and says near the phone.
- Eric! Get off the phone and come back to bed, it's cold here.

Eric doesn't use his mobile phone anymore."

Edited April 30, 2019 by Ferguson system

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

[billpierce]

Lol