Mental health and wellbeing

[David Cropper]

To bring a bit of light relief to an otherwise serious subject, I propose that we start a club, entitled something catchy such as "The damaged and depressive buggers club." I don't think we'll lack members, I'm the first in line for a badge. 

[topchippyles]

4 hours ago, Gav73 said:

I read this thread with interest and a touch of eye rolling. Please keep an open mind when reading the rest of this.

I used to be in the “man up and get on with it” camp until a couple of years back when I kind of broke down.

A lot of what has been written resonated with me and some of the other comments did make me wonder what would happen if some of the people went through the same things I did, would they man up? Would they turn to substance abuse? Would they open up?

I worked in an environment where people looked for me to lead them through some very challenging times. For 7 years we faced the prospect of being made redundant at any given moment. It was a rollercoaster ride, one day the business looked to be turning a corner, the next it was spiralling downhill. 7 years is a long time to keep up spirits and keep the chin up on both yourself and your staff - yes I did man up to it.

Eventually the inevitable happened and the business closed down. There was relief all round that it was finally over and everyone moved on. I started a new job and I’d like to think I was fine at this point, but 2 years later and the new company I worked for took over a government owned business, they really didn’t do all the checks they should have and ended up with a massive problem - too many staff and a contract that said the previously government owned staff could not be touched.

The business decision was to shut down my office and make the entire office staff (200 people) redundant, so once again I was thrust into the role of keeping spirits up, keeping the office going and putting on the brave face.

This time there was an added complication, one of my guys was diagnosed with terminal cancer - 23 years old, had an 18 month old girl and was given 6 months to live. A shitty situation made worse by the fact I knew if he died before the office closed his family would get a decent insurance payout, if he didn’t they would get a measly redundancy package. My bosses wanted to do the right thing, but they needed to know which was the cards were going to fall and I got the job of finding out.

I was lucky that this kid was probably the bravest, most realistic person I’ve ever met. He knew and accepted what was happening to him and he was open about telling me everything I needed to know. I carried on visiting him every week up until he was taken into the hospice for the final few days. He even called me and asked to see me the day before he died - it took me an hour to “man up” after that visit and go back into the office with the brace face and keep the spirits up.

The office shut down 2 months later and I’d already decided I was going to take a break before going back into another job, but a curveball was thrown my way. I was being kept on for another year to help the people who had taken out jobs get up to speed.

I spent the next 18 months (it got extended because they were so shit) travelling to their office 200 miles away and staying in hotels 3 nights a week - sounds like a nice life until you know that you’re not welcome in their office because they didn’t want to do the work and used it as a means to move around all their problem employers. So there I sat between clients who were going demented with the sub standard work and the staff who didn’t give a shit.

I turned to drink. Every night I went out for dinner and kept drinking long into the night. Mainly on my own, a few times with other people I knew, but mainly alone. Drinking alone is not a good thing. You mull over things and they fester.

After what seemed a lifetime the contract ended and took some time out. I wasn’t myself. I was moody, angry, tearful, suicidal, felt worthless. The slightest thing would tip me over the edge. I refused to go and see anyone because I would “man-up” and get through it.

The crunch point for me was my wife giving me the reality check of what would happen if I didn’t sort my shit out.

I went to the doctor, and he asked me a couple of questions and I literally broke down, I started on antidepressants and got some counselling. I’m not a talker, never have been, but the counsellor was brilliant and I had so many light bulb moments.

2 years later I can now say hand on heart, I should have done it a lot sooner. I no longer see a counsellor or take any medication. I work at things I enjoy at my own pace and with no stresses. My issue was not a single event that put me over the edge, it was years of sustained issues. If I’d recognised this early on and didn’t “man-up” I could have coped much better and not spiralled.

Everyone will have a different trigger point that sends them over the edge, some people will be open about their stress, often this can be perceived as trivial, but this might be their coping mechanism and they may never get any worse. The lesson everyone needs to take from this is don’t be dismissive to your own or anyone else’s issues. Take a step back and ask if you’re/they’re ok. Talk about it. I’ve learnt that I should have done that.

Superb post Gav and explains exactly how mental health can affect people. Dempsey can be a real dick sometimes and mental health issues are not a bad day or two in work. It hit me hard and still affects me having a son with autism realising he will not be able to do the things other kids take for granted. 

[briscoe]

Quote

Sympathies with anyone who suffers. Depression and anxiety sucks. Had it since 17. Caused me to drop out of University at age 20. Ended up working outdoors to help with this. Tried to go back to study multiple times (offered to do diagnostic radiography last year) but cant due to anxiety. In 2018 I was diagnosed with aspergers which explains some of my difficulties. I have now been signed off am on benefits but allowed to do some work 16hrs per week . Long term I may not be able to return to full time work. I have had very little input from NHS mental health services who are overwhelmed and underfunded. Coincidently I have a parent who is a consultant psychiatrist and has helped me as much as they can. Sometimes these conditions are really built in to ones mind and very difficult to so called ''pull yourself together'' . That would ideal but much easier said than done!

 

Edited July 7, 2021 by briscoe

[Joe Newton]

1 hour ago, topchippyles said:

Superb post Gav and explains exactly how mental health can affect people. Dempsey can be a real dick sometimes and mental health issues are not a bad day or two in work. It hit me hard and still affects me having a son with autism realising he will not be able to do the things other kids take for granted. 

Why the name calling? He's not been rude, just voiced his opinion. 

[topchippyles]

3 minutes ago, Joe Newton said:

Why the name calling? He's not been rude, just voiced his opinion. 

Just voicing my opinion joe and was not name calling.Mick is pretty straight on most things and i like him and reading his posts in general. 

[Ty Korrigan]

1 hour ago, topchippyles said:

Just voicing my opinion joe and was not name calling.Mick is pretty straight on most things and i like him and reading his posts in general. 

In defense of Mick, I find him pretty direct in his posts but certainly no dick.

 

I find in discussions with some of those of my aquaintance who have never suffered from depression or anxiety, that they can often be coldly indifferent and almost without empathy towards those with these problems, whilst others do try to understand and offer comfort but remain puzzled by these conditions.

  Stuart

 

 

[PictureTree]

Depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions probably aren’t more numerous now than any historical norm. They are just being talked about more and there’s an increased reluctance amongst many (particularly men) to just drown the sorrows with drink and drugs, though obviously plenty still do that as well! 
 

As someone who is fairly down to earth but has also done a spell in the loony-bin after becoming suicidal a few years ago, I can understand that it’s sometimes difficult to ‘get’ that a person might just feel bloody awful despite the fact things appear to be going fine for them. People fortunate to have been wired in a manner which allows much of the nonsense of life to bounce off them are sometimes in a situation where, to paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld, they ‘…don’t know what they don’t know.’ This can be rather frustrating to deal with but by the same token you can also have a giggle when they express frustration at clients or new entrants to the trade etc not getting why the job isn’t as simple as it initially looks. 

 

From my short time working with arb guys so far, the stresses are pretty much the same as any other job/trade/profession I’ve seen. Everyone worries about where the work will come from next week/month/year, the bills are always painful, the workers/managers communication is dysfunctional, egos are bouncing off each other, clients don’t pay and make stupid demands… It’s always a complete scunner pretty much whatever someone does to earn a crust. 
 

The most important thing to do if you’re feeling crap is to talk to someone about it. Men are especially shit at doing this because we talk about problems to arrive at a solution. If we know that talking about a problem can’t result in a solution we just don’t expend the effort talking. Women have it sussed- they instinctively know that talking is a good way of just getting thoughts and worries out of your head. It stops them running round and driving you crazy.

[dan blocker]

On 06/07/2021 at 19:21, Mick Dempsey said:

Personally I think if you’ve really gone mental, you know throwing your own shit at people in the shopping mall, fair enough.

 

If you’re just having a bad day and things are getting on top of you, can’t cope etc. Then have a drink, phone a mate, pull yourself together, life is bloody awful sometimes, get used to it.

 

 

Funny how when someone says “have a drink and phone a mate” can be spun into “ get pissed and phone a mate”🤔 and then say alcohol is a depressant. And then get quoted throughout the thread. There’s nothing wrong with a few drinks and if that’s what it takes to loosen the tongue, pick up the phone and ring a mate to talk to him then surely that’s a good thing. The problem with “having a problem” is actually making that first step to talk to someone be it a wife or husband, partner, mate, parent, friend or professional health type or what ever!
We’ve  all had an issue of some sort or other(or several) in our lifetime  that’s caused some sort of anxiety or low point. People have different ways of dealing with issues. Christ I’ve even had a view issues that’s resulted in a high - not the chemical type I might add! 
There’s another thread on here somewhere that talks about and goes over the same issues.

just to lighten things up a bit - hopefully🤔- 

Women can be a big source of depression especially when it ends in divorce, I’m still on my first wife because I’m a firm believer that even though you think at the moment she’s a crocodile you could get rid of it for a better one that turns out to be a bloody alligator😳

[john paget]

Big respect to you Ian for putting staff well being at the forefront of your business. Luckily I put myself in the ‘ have a drink and chat with a mate’ camp for my personal issues. But it’s different strokes and all that. You’re a good guy. [emoji109][emoji109][emoji109][emoji106]

[Mark J]

 

7 hours ago, dan blocker said:

Funny how when someone says “have a drink and phone a mate” can be spun into “ get pissed and phone a mate”🤔 and then say alcohol is a depressant. And then get quoted throughout the thread. There’s nothing wrong with a few drinks and if that’s what it takes to loosen the tongue, pick up the phone and ring a mate to talk to him then surely that’s a good thing. The problem with “having a problem” is actually making that first step to talk to someone be it a wife or husband, partner, mate, parent, friend or professional health type or what ever!
We’ve  all had an issue of some sort or other(or several) in our lifetime  that’s caused some sort of anxiety or low point. People have different ways of dealing with issues. Christ I’ve even had a view issues that’s resulted in a high - not the chemical type I might add! 
There’s another thread on here somewhere that talks about and goes over the same issues.

just to lighten things up a bit - hopefully🤔- 

Women can be a big source of depression especially when it ends in divorce, I’m still on my first wife because I’m a firm believer that even though you think at the moment she’s a crocodile you could get rid of it for a better one that turns out to be a bloody alligator😳

Well said.

Loneliness can be troublesome.

Talking to people helps if you've found yourself in a hole. Professionals know what they're doing and should be sought out if you're having troubles - it's far easier to talk to a stranger who knows their stuff, who won't judge you for being hammered at 9am, and also knows exactly how to help you out of it.

 

Also, confide in any mates when you can, they maybe be a little shocked when you tell them the extent of yourself but they're your mates and will do what they can to help.

Go out on the pull if that's what you want, it worked for me.

Get a pet of sorts if you are on your own, even if it's a fish.









 

Edited July 25, 2021 by Mark J