David Cropper

I know my place. Its below the dog.

She's ex squaddie, Eggs, guaranteed a sense of humour. Even so, tread carefully, don't forget, women ain't human when weight is mentioned. I know to my peril. You've seen the photo of my wife with our bulldog, she's tiny, but frightens the crap out of me if she thinks I'm even hinting she's put weight on. Listen to an older, wiser man, my boy.

I might be big and daft, but I ain't suicidal. Hard stare? My wife's Jockenese, they invented the hard stare. I'm afraid Eggs didn't pass the exam for the Diplomatic Corps.

Christ Alive, Eggs! Have you learnt nothing? NEVER tell a lady she needs to wear an elasticated waistband!

How quaint.

Ah, finally, the voice of sanity prevails in a discussion that's turning quite nasty. As to the aforementioned three birds in lime jelly, I applaud your thinking, Mr Johnson, however, my fantasy will definitely exclude you from romping around. Call me old fashioned if you will.

Oi!

Nobody seems to realise that the Herberts who did this could actually be following this story on here. Just a thought to be aware of.

A Continental Bulldog. Basically a bred down English without the breathing problems. Look it up on Wikipedia Eggs.

He's nearly as big as my wife!

Thanks, I think.

Cheeky sod, Eggs! I've lost 2 stone since March. Now I am merely chunky.

Thanks Ratty, slowly getting there. He's a real belter of a dog.

This is Charlie now, so much improvement after 12 weeks. I'm pretty sure I said no dogs on the furniture. Must be mistaken again.

That's a very serious response. Sod it, I'll ring Mr Johnson hopefully he won't tell me to bugger off again and man up.