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A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich. The bar tender says "but you're a duck". The duck says "I see your eyes work OK". The bar tender says "and you can talk too". The duck says " and your ears work fine also, could I please have a beer and a sandwich". The bar tender says "where did you come from?" The duck says "I'm working on the building site across the road". So the bar tender gets the duck a beer and a sandwich, and the duck pays him. This goes on every lunch time for a few weeks. One day a circus comes to town and the ringmaster drops in to the bar for a drink. The bar tender says "you're from the circus aren't you?” "Yes I am" says the ringmaster. "Would you be interested in a duck that can talk?" "Talk?" "Yes, talk. Perfect English". "Well I sure would be if it's true" says the ringmaster. Next day the duck comes in and orders a beer and a sandwich as usual. The barman says to the duck "how would like a job at the circus? Great pay and lifestyle" "The circus?" asks the duck. "With the great big canvas 'big-top'. And the animals in cages?" "Yes" says the bartender. The duck replies "what the f*ck would the circus want with a plasterer?"

This is getting ridiculous.

you sure,, that's a feckin' long way in a punctured rubber boat, and the hotels and benefits are shite.

sorry to hear about your kid.

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.' This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.' 'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my Gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different cock,' he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

A labour voter knocks the door of a brothel A woman answers and asks what he wants The labour man asks what can I get for £1.50p The lady says go have a wank 3 minutes later the labour man returned and knocked the door again The Same lady answers and says what now The labour man says,, WHO DO I PAY?

you'll like it here we have lots of fans of your President, hell, one fella even fantasizes about what's in his pants.

they do that here too.

Is it just me who thinks it a little odd, somebody four and a half thousand miles away decides,, "I need some advice on the lifespan and stability of a tree, I know, I'll join an arborist forum in the uk and ask them.

Midwest United States. acorns fall from the tree sometimes

Sheila’s dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a cheque”. “Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog Spike. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!” When the repairman arrived at Karen’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

😂😂 Not meant to induce rage you daft bugger, more a bit of teasing for you over zealous trumpers, you certainly bit mind 😂😂. Nah I don’t do Scuba, it’s banned for commercial use in the UK and has been for years. Look up the inshore ACOP L104 or Offshore L103 on the HSE site. That will keep you right. No secrets with what I do for a living Mesterh as well you know ( unlike some on here).

But that would do nothing to help The Ukraine of course, I don't think they have a current issue of immigration into the country. I still reckon it would be far more useful for them to go after Russian drones

So most of your posts are just rage bait then? I thought as much from a long, long time ago. Have fun and do what ever you do, credibility -100 Are you even a scuba diver or was that just BS too? I really hope that you are ivegottacabstar or manni(spelling) as that would be class. If your mountain man in disguise then im out of here.

but would cure the illegal immigration problem real quick, and save the British taxpayers a shitload of cash, pop the boat 20 feet from france,job done. lets face it the french ain't doing much to stop it, 'cept taking the money and watching it continue.

😂😂😂👍 Result, bait gobbled right up. 👍

Any chance of an answer on the other thread blagger

Read that Bonny lad, we don’t live in the USA. If you expect the police over there to stand idly by whilst libtard wankers launch bricks at them more the fool you. The rules of engagement over there are far wider than here, as has been stated you make your choices you pay the price.

Thats what you said though, you'd be quite happy for the same rules to apply to the UK: No there would be fook all bricks being thrown.

It was throw a brick and you will be killed, ya man was trying to bring detailed crap into it. Anyway, ill leave you to your celebrations, have a good Trump day. Make sure you wave that flag with Trumps face on it really hard.

so as per the original question, without all the pointless add ons,,,would you kick my dog having previously been told doing so would put you in a wheelchair? no difference in being told, throw bricks,missiles, or anything at police officers and you will be shot. it's a ****************in' deterrent. if you refuse to listen to it, you'll get what's coming to you.

Does your teammate know how to answer a very simple question. It doesn’t need any thought or is meant to instigate in depth discussion. 😂😂I’m just after a question to an answer put to him on another thread that he is deliberately avoiding 😂😂 day after day 42 👍👍

them cakes look a lot better than Mr. Kiplin skinny things. did you take your fishing rod with you?

Exactly, you've got the idea.