stress

[Robert_S]

some fantastic posts here and i really feel for some of you, i have been lucky to not suffer as much as some but had the usual what if's, but a couple of years ago my brother in law dropped dead at 45!! just went to his work got a cup of tea and dropped he was dead before he hit the floor, we were devastated he left 2 boys and my sister, that changed everything for me i look after my family and spend as much time as i can with them, and as for material things they are nice but i would put a match to the lot and stay in a tent with my family than lose another like that.

Each day is a gift thats why they call it the present.

[David oakman]

Well said cleanhands. My dad died at 47 and i am 47 in june this to be honest is getting me down i keep thinking this is coming to me. But by being on the estate i do try to keep stress free.

[tommer9]

On the advice/ orders:wink: of doctor swb, getting myself booked in tomorrow a.m. Cant take self pity and loathing anymore, or my apparent inability to help myself. Decision made. A big push has been all the posts on this thread. Thanks guys. With any luck, the reformed tommer will be with you in the not too distant future.

[Stephen Blair]

On the advice/ orders:wink: of doctor swb, getting myself booked in tomorrow a.m. Cant take self pity and loathing anymore, or my apparent inability to help myself. Decision made. A big push has been all the posts on this thread. Thanks guys. With any luck, the reformed tommer will be with you in the not too distant future.

 

well done tommer, i have just been watching martin clunes exploring the islands off cornwall, looks stunning. when you are revitalised and chilled we will road trip my friend, i'l bring the magners mate:001_cool:

[John Hancock]

On the advice/ orders:wink: of doctor swb, getting myself booked in tomorrow a.m. Cant take self pity and loathing anymore, or my apparent inability to help myself. Decision made. A big push has been all the posts on this thread. Thanks guys. With any luck, the reformed tommer will be with you in the not too distant future.

 

Good-luck Tommer my friend! Let me know how it goes....Might even try and get some help myself – to me that’s the biggest stem, taking that step means admitting there is a problem and for me I’ve been in denial for far too long. I feel for you buddy.

[Pro Gard]

Reading this thread has made me thankfull for what Ive got, alas taking a step back I can see some of the charcter traits in myself and the problems in my own business.

 

Thankfully I can still switch off ....ocasionally.

[Dean Lofthouse]

Just looking at the number of posts and veiws of this subject there seems to me to be a massive stress / depression problem within the UK.

 

I have problems of my own of which Stevie knows, mine are luckily for me, relatively easy to sort and I'm on with it at the moment.

 

I think a lot of the problem is the frenetic lives we lead. It seems to be full on all the time, always something to do.

 

I haven't worked this week but I haven't had a minute to spare (shopping apart) and kids are very demanding and high maintainance.

 

Also our "contactability", you cant get away from it and hide out the way, I'm getting three phone calls a day from sales people touting for this that and the other. I have to have my phone and answer it to keep work coming in.

 

I absolutely love shooting, have done it all my life and I just cannot get out to do it, it's a nightmare, something always comes up that needs to be done.

 

I've found arbtalk as a release and somewhere to "vent" but at least one thing this thread has made me realise is that I'm not alone being stressed out and I think for every person that has posted there'll be another 50 that haven't that have read a post on this thread and related it to themselves.

[John Hancock]

 

I absolutely love shooting, have done it all my life and I just cannot get out to do it, it's a nightmare, something always comes up that needs to be done.

 

 

You have to make time for what you love Dean. For me its cycling – When the s h i t hits the fan I have to get out there! Its not a permanent solution, more a short-term fix – but it helps.

 

I was told some years ago to put a monetary value on your spare time – when you sit down and think about it, ‘me’ time is worth a fortune! Switch the phone off and get out there with the rifle mate, and good-luck.

[Highland Forestry]

 

I absolutely love shooting, have done it all my life and I just cannot get out to do it, it's a nightmare, something always comes up that needs to be done.

 

I've found arbtalk as a release and somewhere to "vent" but at least one thing this thread has made me realise is that I'm not alone being stressed out and I think for every person that has posted there'll be another 50 that haven't that have read a post on this thread and related it to themselves.

 

 

I'd deffinatley agree with that - I love my shooting, it's what I live for but I've not picked up any of my guns for 5 months now!

 

And theres a phenoenal ammount of members on here that never post so 1 in 50 wont be far off.

 

Stress and depression in particular are actually an illness. I was treated for depression about two years ago for around 9 months following a pretty rough break up with my ex and some very hard times, and the first step to getting back on the right road is admitting to yourself that you are actually ill, and not being stupid or just feeling down, you are seriousley ill and like any illness you need help to be cured. Once you get that into your head you start laying down the small bricks that build your life up again. It takes a long time and it's hard and the depression never really dissapears from your life but you learn to cope and adapt to overcome it.

 

To anyone reading this feeling low, depressed, upset, stressed out, anxious, tired, grumpy - remember you're not alone and that alot of us, especially those who are self employed, we're all putting ourselves under too much pressure on a daily basis and we all make ourselves a hard life.

Stevie told me a few weeks ago that going to get help is a bit like taking a car for an MOT - if you have a problem wth your car, you can try and fix it yourself but what if it's serious? You take it to a mechanic and you pay him to fix it for you, then you carry on as usual... going to see a hypno or someone similar need be no different.

[TimberCutterDartmoor]

When SWB started this thread I thought to myself - "no, I'm not getting involved, I've been there, done that and can't be arsed to remind myself of that era again". The era of dark times that is, because boy there were some. Having just read this thread right through it reinforces my belief that both stress and its many precursors and manifestations are pandemic in our society. Much as my own exprience might be interesting, the full chapter and verse would be too heavy and deep here, but nonetheless a brief summary might just encourage someone...

 

I had a very very lovely Father and a very very ill mother. The latter abused the two of us to such an extent that it's a miracle I still exist. I'm reminded of a book called "They F*** You Up" - about parents. They have a mega responsibility; not just physical nourishment and the obvious stuff but for helping their childrens internal wiring to be routed well for want of a better illustration. My internal wiring, or operating system (!) was so dysfunctional and full of self hatred that after 27 years of over-achieving for the sake of my controller, I imploded. At 27 I met my now Wife and that's where things changed dramatically. Whilst I had left the dysfunctional home and the time was right, further stalking, harrasmant, court proceedings, assault, criminal damage continued. Then I married and moved 500 miles away. Interestingly there was a lull; a period in which life seemed sweet and so much better. Approx. a year later I was walking to my GP to seek help for anxiety; I hadn't told anyone and was starting to do things that were a cry for help. My poor Wife didn't know who she'd married. Suddenly her man was missing for nights on end, and guess what - behaving just like his mother! Controlling, manipulative, full of rage.

 

This went on for about a year before my performance for my employer (not arb related) got so bad that oc. health was brought in. This became a vicious circle - worries about work, working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week pounding the motorways (50k+ p/a), hotel life, massive weight gain / health loss. I remember staring at the hotel bathroom floors on many occassions - yellow patches in my vision, the shakes, headaches, blood-shot eyes, sleep deprivation etc etc.

 

It took several employer oc.health nurses before being referred to a specialist. What was supposed to be an hours assessment ended being a full day with the Doc making urgent / angry phonecalls to various company managers / others to cut me some slack and pronto. In the stress test I scored 631! The highest documented figure is 300 at which point a stress related illness/s is very likely. At the same time he diagnosed depression to which I responded - "that's depressing - being told I'm depressed"!. I then informed him of my views on all these stupid people who play the depression or mental health card when really they need a good kick up the ar*e. That was my attitude at the time - old fashioned lack of moral fibre stuff. I had no understanding whatsoever. More important however was a diagnosis of C-PTSD or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD typically derives from say a combat situation whereas the complex version from a chronic drip-drip-drip over an extended period. Aside from some nasty shocks I'd had- seeing someone burned alive or anothers brains shooting out (too much information), the home stuff was for me what taunted everything - the flashbacks, dreams of being hunted down.

 

Whilst I accept that all the various therapies have their qualities I do not believe there is a one-size fits all solution so would not personally endorse hypotherapy. CBT wasn't for me either, but boy, EMDR certainly was - Wow!

 

Anyway, there is good news - you can overcome - you CAN have victory! The only way out is through and actually I think suffering produces character (I know - you might argue that it actually produces wild kids who end up as murdering rapists) but one more thing then I'll shut up! A good Wife - mine is like a pearl buried in a field. I went and bought the field! I owe her big time - what an Angel.