One liners from customers

[arbormaster]

Another one, Hot sunny day doing a conifier hedge and the customer comes out and says I'll be out for the rest of the day the house is open help yourselves to tea, coffee, sarny. Oh and also sit down in the front room its really cool and shady in there. The whole house would be full of conifier the dry stuff that chaffes everywhere.

I turned around and said no thanks for the offer i would preffer if you lock everything up.

 

I get that sometimes. it worries me that they will get burgled or some catastrophe will happen when they have left the house open for us and ill get the blame. I always politely say no thanks!

[Tommy_B]

I get that sometimes. it worries me that they will get burgled or some catastrophe will happen when they have left the house open for us and ill get the blame. I always politely say no thanks!

 

That was the sole reason. You just don't want the responsibility. One old dear offered to leave her house open for us. We politlely declined. She gave us a puzzled look and asked "What if you need the loo?"

As we're standing in an enormous garden, on the edge of a wood. My mate told her that we'll just go home if we need to!!

[Frank]

Went to look at a "massive poplar" today, turned up and saw an "average" lime. Politely pointed out the customers mistake, to which he replied, "its never had limes on it". So again, I politely tried to explain, but only got half way through a sentence when he was shouting at his wife " hey dear, this so-called tree man thinks our Poplar may produce citrus fruit". "where did you get his number from again"??

 

Haha, what could I do, but drag him in his house and search on Wikipedia. I wasnt leaving there without an apologie. Got the Job though.

[Frank]

Some non customer related one-liners:

 

- Me "Is that 357 sharp?"

- New Groundie "Well i just spent half an hour sharpening it"

- Me "Yeah but Is it sharp?"

(character building)

 

 

 

-New groundie (forgetting how to attach chainsaw to climbing line) " OH GOD"

- Me " Just call me Darren"

[vduben]

Or "let me get the wood glue" or "I'll go and get the wood magnet"

 

all boils down to the favorite, not that one, can you put it back up!!

[Frank]

What about when you fell sorry for the old couple who are worried about the tree in between the 2 properties, you do them a stupidly good price, do the work, and it comes to paying. You find out then that the wideboy with the brand new Range Rover Sport and Jaccuzzi in the back garden is paying half.

[Frank]

I tell the old couple that I knew he was going shares and the £280 I quoted was their half.

[Mick Dempsey]

“I’d do it myself but the wife won’t let me”

 

 “it’s easy won’t take you long”

 

”can you cut it below ground level?”

 

 “I’m on a limited budget” (then you definitely called the wrong bloke)

 

I know this thread is old but check it out..

 

 

[benedmonds]

I once went to look at a tree and the lady was complaining about the price. Her husband wasn't able to go due to poor health.. Turns out he had fallen out of the tree and injured himself.

[topchippyles]

 

33 minutes ago, Mick Dempsey said:

“I’d do it myself but the wife won’t let me”

 

 “it’s easy won’t take you long”

 

”can you cut it below ground level?”

 

 “I’m on a limited budget” (then you definitely called the wrong bloke)

 

I know this thread is old but check it out.

 

 

This thread is old, YOUR NO SPRING CHICKEN EITHER MICK  

Edited February 2, 2020 by topchippyles