Jokes???

[Logdaft]

[Woodworks]

So true 😬

[Big J]

[Big J]

[topchippyles]

2 hours ago, Big J said:

[topchippyles]

[oldwoodcutter]

So Santa comes down the chimney to be met with a very pretty woman in a skimpy negligée.

She says would you like to stay for a mince pie and a drink.

No I got to be going thanks, he says.

She says well perhaps you’d fancy something else then , as she moves up close to him.

No it’s my busiest night of the year I’ve got to be cracking on.

So she takes off what little she’s got on and moves up even closer to him.

Are you sure I can’t get you to change your mind Santa, as she strokes his beard.

Yes I will stay he says, because I can’t get back up the chimney now anyway.

 

[Doug Tait]

Not a joke but visited my mate this morning at the country hotel he looks after.

 

Police came in asking if he'd seen anyone suspicious around the place, and could he check the grounds and outbuildings please, if anything amiss call them. He asked what he was looking for and they managed not to laugh while explaining a gent, going by the name of Jesus had absconded from the mental health ward and had been seen near the hotel, in the stables at a donkey sanctuary.

 

My mate asked what he looked like, they said "he's trying hard to carry the appearance of a conventional Jesus". Quick as a flash my mate said "one of the guests met a guy like that earlier by the river". Out came the notebook, "what's the name of the guest?'. It's John mate, John the Baptist.

They weren't half laughing as they left!

[woody paul]

45 minutes ago, Doug Tait said:

Not a joke but visited my mate this morning at the country hotel he looks after.

 

Police came in asking if he'd seen anyone suspicious around the place, and could he check the grounds and outbuildings please, if anything amiss call them. He asked what he was looking for and they managed not to laugh while explaining a gent, going by the name of Jesus had absconded from the mental health ward and had been seen near the hotel, in the stables at a donkey sanctuary.

 

My mate asked what he looked like, they said "he's trying hard to carry the appearance of a conventional Jesus". Quick as a flash my mate said "one of the guests met a guy like that earlier by the river". Out came the notebook, "what's the name of the guest?'. It's John mate, John the Baptist.

They weren't half laughing as they left!

I got a call Friday morning from a old stable yard were I have done some fencing and tree work, asking could I repair a stable did think it was a wined up but no pony had bent metal railings between sectional stables. 

[manco]

18 hours ago, oldwoodcutter said:

So Santa comes down the chimney to be met with a very pretty woman in a skimpy negligée.

She says would you like to stay for a mince pie and a drink.

No I got to be going thanks, he says.

She says well perhaps you’d fancy something else then , as she moves up close to him.

No it’s my busiest night of the year I’ve got to be cracking on.

So she takes off what little she’s got on and moves up even closer to him.

Are you sure I can’t get you to change your mind Santa, as she strokes his beard.

Yes I will stay he says, because I can’t get back up the chimney now anyway.

 

 🎶🎶🎶🎶

I saw Mommy riding Santa Claus 
On the sofa last night
🎶🎶🎶🎶