Jokes???

[topchippyles]

Farting Dog 

 

 

[MattyF]

[youngsbury]

[Ratman]

[Ratman]

[topchippyles]

[Woodworks]

Saw this one from Rory Bremner

 

If there was a piss-up at No 10 last Christmas it’s very unlikely Boris organised it. Because, well, you know.

[Mark J]

[Logdaft]

[rapalaman]

BRITISH HOSPITALITY

 

A most accommodating nation.

 

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour and explore the city on his own.

 

He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of beer.

 

After a while he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences; no pubs, no stores or shops, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC TOILETS.

 

He really, really has to go after all those pints of  Guinness.  He finds a narrow side street with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

 

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer who says, “I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know.”

 

“I’m very sorry, officer,” replies the American, “But I really, really have to go, and I just cannot find a public restroom.”

 

“Ah, yes,” said the policemen, “Just follow me.”

 

He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.  “In there,” points the policeman, “Go ahead, sir, anywhere you like.”

 

The American enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen.  Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

 

Since he has the policeman’s blessing, he relieves himself and feels a whole more comfortable.

 

As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, “That was really decent of you.  Is that what they call British hospitality?”

 

“No, sir,” replied the policeman, “That is what we call the French Embassy.”