Jokes???

[andywood]

A white horse walks into a pub, and the landlord sez to him funny you should come in here as we sell a whisky named after you, the horse replied what, Eric.

[Tree Man Tom]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all?

 

Suspicion of anything foreign!!

[Tommy_B]

Save money by pretending that you have the latest gadgets.

 

(But I won't be doing this as its sad)

 

Sent from my iPad 2

Edited March 25, 2011 by Tommy_B

[oldwoodcutter]

A young feller from hereabouts swallowed some Tipex instead of his Viagara,woke up with a big correction.

[Matthew Arnold]

A young feller from hereabouts swallowed some Tipex instead of his Viagara,woke up with a big correction.

 

Just read it out to the family and we are all crying with laughter lol

[oldwoodcutter]

Michael O'Leary [Ryanair] walks into a Dublin bar and asks for a pint of Guinness.

"That'll be 2 euros" says the barman

"That's a very competitive price"

"Yeah,and would you like a glass with that?"

[Mark J]

OCD sufferers. Their days are numbered.

[ad15]

A Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman

and an Australian were waiting one morning for a particularly

slow group of golfers in front of them.

 

The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those guys? We must have

been waiting for fifteen bloody minutes!'

 

The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'My goodness gracious I don't know,

but I've never seen such poor golf!'

 

The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, move it, time is money!'

 

The Priest said, 'Here comes George the green keeper.

Let's have a word with him.'

'Hello, George!', said the Priest, 'What's wrong with that

group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

George the green keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind

fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,

so we always let them play for free anytime.'

 

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a

special prayer for them tonight!'

 

The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my

ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can

do for them!'

 

The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000

to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls!'

 

The Aussie said, 'Why the F@ck can't they play at night?'

[PeteB]

Man says to his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

 

"Take half and leave you" she replies

 

"Here's a fiver, now Sod Off!"

[Martyn Amos]

i told the wife that i kept getting a burning sensation in my arse and did not know what it was ?

she said ring sting

i said what makes you think he'll know :lol: