Jokes???

[Dave Martin]

And Jesus said unto his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross ...

 

Dont touch my @@**in Easter Eggs, I`ll be back on Monday!

[Samuel]

love the second joke

[Tommy_B]

Whats long and hard and makes the Mrs groan???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Ironing Board.

[Mark J]

What's the definition of bravery?

 

It's coming home late from the pub with lipstick on your collar, reeking of perfume, slapping the wife on the arse and saying "You're next fatty!"

[tommer9]

A London lawyer and a Cornishman are sitting next to each other on a long flight to Newquay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The lawyer is thinking that Cornishmen are all rustic simpletons and that he can fool them easily... So the lawyer asks if the Cornishman would like to play a fun game.

 

The Cornishman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500.'

 

As may be expected, this catches the Cornishman's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

 

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?' The Cornishman doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.

 

Now, it's the Cornishman's turn.

 

He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' And with that, he closes his eyes and tries to take a nap again.

 

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all the references he knows. He uses the air-phone; he searches the Net and even the British Library. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

 

He wakes up the Cornishman and hands him £500. The Cornishman pockets the £500 and goes straight back to sleep.

 

The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer. He wakes the

Cornish man up and asks, 'Well! What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

 

 

The Cornishman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep.

 

:thumbup:

[treequip]

A Professor has found after extensive research there are two sizes of member amongst uk men.

 

There are those which fall within the normal size range and those which are less than two inches while erect.

 

The professor has appealed for help to continue his research .

 

Could all men in the uk with extremly small members make themselves known over the next six weeks by flying a white flag with a red cross from their cars?

[arbclimber]

A Professor has found after extensive research there are two sizes of member amongst uk men.

 

There are those which fall within the normal size range and those which are less than two inches while erect.

 

The professor has appealed for help to continue his research .

 

Could all men in the uk with extremly small members make themselves known over the next six weeks by flying a white flag with a red cross from their cars?

 

Many a true word spoken in jest.

[scott995]

My mate used to work on the waltzers and got fired for staring and trying it on with all the women!!

 

He is sueing them for funfair dismissal!!

[Tommy_B]

Did you hear the one about the magic transforming tractor?? It drove down the road, then turned into a field...

[Mozza]

Did you hear the one about the magic transforming tractor?? It drove down the road, then turned into a field...

 

Shame on you Tommy