Mental health and wellbeing

[difflock]

11 hours ago, Lowestoft Firewood said:

I think it's a good thing to have for staff and very caring.

 

However I think too many people have got sucked into a false world with social media where there is a huge amount of woke, virtual signalling shite which makes many people who can't see through it extremely sensitive and more likely to feel inadequate or easily offended, leading to issues in their head.

 

There is also a lot of normalisation of awful things like self harm, eating disorders etc which often seem to be some weird attention seeking issue (I have a close family member with both of those issues and have pretty extensive close experience with her). Which seem to make it fashionable to have mental health issues so you can get your own way. 

 

When these people get a knock in the real world its a huge thing for them to cope with and they cave super easily. 

 

And how many people of adult physical age nowadays seem to be absorbed in childish crap like Disney and spend their life trying to seemingly be the best human in the room...always seems to be  one person we somehow manage to employ who in order for us to be "inclusive" we would have to practically have a one eyed black disabled lesbian in every photo with our products. Then they get knocked over by the slightest breeze and claim mental health issues when they actually do need to grow a pair. 

 

All this turn sadly clouds over real mental health issues which come from really tough times such as when running a business or people dying who are close to you etc and those people get less attention as the NHS has endless 4 year olds who think they are toasters rather than the human which was born a girl so therefore needs to stay a girl coming knocking on their door. 

 

My take on things anyway.

I cannot commend this comment highly enough.

Especially with my Council employment background   .  .  .

Edited July 7, 2021 by difflock

[Joe Newton]

15 minutes ago, skyhuck said:

I wasn't suggesting that, I was asking the question. 

 

Lots of things are changing fast in these modern times, the world tends to be a much more tolerant place, which I think is a good thing general.

 

But, IMO, not all so called progress is good. Take transgender's as an example. Most kids feel like they don't fit in as they hit puberty, giving them the idea they may not be in the right body does not strike me as very helpful. IMO, the constraints of normal expectations and the idea that somethings are weird, is not such a bad thing, it might just keep them on the normative narrative until they find their feet. 

 

 

 

 

Okay, perhaps I mistook what you said. As for the rest of it I couldn't agree more.

[Joe Newton]

19 minutes ago, difflock said:

 

We are all different.

I'm not. 

[Paddy1000111]

Interesting seeing different people's opinions on this. Not sure I agree with the whole "get pissed and phone a mate" thing might work for some people but for a lot it's just a band-aid for a problem. That sort of mindset is how a lot of people end up with drug addictions.

Edited July 7, 2021 by Paddy1000111

[Ian Flatters]

Good thread. I think lots of people think as above, and I also think it’s easy to blur the lines between stress and mental illness.
 
I used to stress over everything when I was younger to the point that it made me feel depressed at times, the reality of it was that I was just too highly strung. That’s completely changed now to the point I don’t stress enough!
 
good thread Ian. I did just take the liberty of running your post through my knobometer and I’m pleased to say you scored a low 7 out of 10 which is a huge improvement for you, keep up the yoga I say!

[emoji23] Good to know a few years to mature and sort myself out a bit has reduced it from 10/10 to a low 7.

[Gav73]

I read this thread with interest and a touch of eye rolling. Please keep an open mind when reading the rest of this.

I used to be in the “man up and get on with it” camp until a couple of years back when I kind of broke down.

A lot of what has been written resonated with me and some of the other comments did make me wonder what would happen if some of the people went through the same things I did, would they man up? Would they turn to substance abuse? Would they open up?

I worked in an environment where people looked for me to lead them through some very challenging times. For 7 years we faced the prospect of being made redundant at any given moment. It was a rollercoaster ride, one day the business looked to be turning a corner, the next it was spiralling downhill. 7 years is a long time to keep up spirits and keep the chin up on both yourself and your staff - yes I did man up to it.

Eventually the inevitable happened and the business closed down. There was relief all round that it was finally over and everyone moved on. I started a new job and I’d like to think I was fine at this point, but 2 years later and the new company I worked for took over a government owned business, they really didn’t do all the checks they should have and ended up with a massive problem - too many staff and a contract that said the previously government owned staff could not be touched.

The business decision was to shut down my office and make the entire office staff (200 people) redundant, so once again I was thrust into the role of keeping spirits up, keeping the office going and putting on the brave face.

This time there was an added complication, one of my guys was diagnosed with terminal cancer - 23 years old, had an 18 month old girl and was given 6 months to live. A shitty situation made worse by the fact I knew if he died before the office closed his family would get a decent insurance payout, if he didn’t they would get a measly redundancy package. My bosses wanted to do the right thing, but they needed to know which was the cards were going to fall and I got the job of finding out.

I was lucky that this kid was probably the bravest, most realistic person I’ve ever met. He knew and accepted what was happening to him and he was open about telling me everything I needed to know. I carried on visiting him every week up until he was taken into the hospice for the final few days. He even called me and asked to see me the day before he died - it took me an hour to “man up” after that visit and go back into the office with the brace face and keep the spirits up.

The office shut down 2 months later and I’d already decided I was going to take a break before going back into another job, but a curveball was thrown my way. I was being kept on for another year to help the people who had taken out jobs get up to speed.

I spent the next 18 months (it got extended because they were so shit) travelling to their office 200 miles away and staying in hotels 3 nights a week - sounds like a nice life until you know that you’re not welcome in their office because they didn’t want to do the work and used it as a means to move around all their problem employers. So there I sat between clients who were going demented with the sub standard work and the staff who didn’t give a shit.

I turned to drink. Every night I went out for dinner and kept drinking long into the night. Mainly on my own, a few times with other people I knew, but mainly alone. Drinking alone is not a good thing. You mull over things and they fester.

After what seemed a lifetime the contract ended and took some time out. I wasn’t myself. I was moody, angry, tearful, suicidal, felt worthless. The slightest thing would tip me over the edge. I refused to go and see anyone because I would “man-up” and get through it.

The crunch point for me was my wife giving me the reality check of what would happen if I didn’t sort my shit out.

I went to the doctor, and he asked me a couple of questions and I literally broke down, I started on antidepressants and got some counselling. I’m not a talker, never have been, but the counsellor was brilliant and I had so many light bulb moments.

2 years later I can now say hand on heart, I should have done it a lot sooner. I no longer see a counsellor or take any medication. I work at things I enjoy at my own pace and with no stresses. My issue was not a single event that put me over the edge, it was years of sustained issues. If I’d recognised this early on and didn’t “man-up” I could have coped much better and not spiralled.

Everyone will have a different trigger point that sends them over the edge, some people will be open about their stress, often this can be perceived as trivial, but this might be their coping mechanism and they may never get any worse. The lesson everyone needs to take from this is don’t be dismissive to your own or anyone else’s issues. Take a step back and ask if you’re/they’re ok. Talk about it. I’ve learnt that I should have done that.

[the village idiot]

23 minutes ago, Gav73 said:

I read this thread with interest and a touch of eye rolling. Please keep an open mind when reading the rest of this.

I used to be in the “man up and get on with it” camp until a couple of years back when I kind of broke down.

A lot of what has been written resonated with me and some of the other comments did make me wonder what would happen if some of the people went through the same things I did, would they man up? Would they turn to substance abuse? Would they open up?

I worked in an environment where people looked for me to lead them through some very challenging times. For 7 years we faced the prospect of being made redundant at any given moment. It was a rollercoaster ride, one day the business looked to be turning a corner, the next it was spiralling downhill. 7 years is a long time to keep up spirits and keep the chin up on both yourself and your staff - yes I did man up to it.

Eventually the inevitable happened and the business closed down. There was relief all round that it was finally over and everyone moved on. I started a new job and I’d like to think I was fine at this point, but 2 years later and the new company I worked for took over a government owned business, they really didn’t do all the checks they should have and ended up with a massive problem - too many staff and a contract that said the previously government owned staff could not be touched.

The business decision was to shut down my office and make the entire office staff (200 people) redundant, so once again I was thrust into the role of keeping spirits up, keeping the office going and putting on the brave face.

This time there was an added complication, one of my guys was diagnosed with terminal cancer - 23 years old, had an 18 month old girl and was given 6 months to live. A shitty situation made worse by the fact I knew if he died before the office closed his family would get a decent insurance payout, if he didn’t they would get a measly redundancy package. My bosses wanted to do the right thing, but they needed to know which was the cards were going to fall and I got the job of finding out.

I was lucky that this kid was probably the bravest, most realistic person I’ve ever met. He knew and accepted what was happening to him and he was open about telling me everything I needed to know. I carried on visiting him every week up until he was taken into the hospice for the final few days. He even called me and asked to see me the day before he died - it took me an hour to “man up” after that visit and go back into the office with the brace face and keep the spirits up.

The office shut down 2 months later and I’d already decided I was going to take a break before going back into another job, but a curveball was thrown my way. I was being kept on for another year to help the people who had taken out jobs get up to speed.

I spent the next 18 months (it got extended because they were so shit) travelling to their office 200 miles away and staying in hotels 3 nights a week - sounds like a nice life until you know that you’re not welcome in their office because they didn’t want to do the work and used it as a means to move around all their problem employers. So there I sat between clients who were going demented with the sub standard work and the staff who didn’t give a shit.

I turned to drink. Every night I went out for dinner and kept drinking long into the night. Mainly on my own, a few times with other people I knew, but mainly alone. Drinking alone is not a good thing. You mull over things and they fester.

After what seemed a lifetime the contract ended and took some time out. I wasn’t myself. I was moody, angry, tearful, suicidal, felt worthless. The slightest thing would tip me over the edge. I refused to go and see anyone because I would “man-up” and get through it.

The crunch point for me was my wife giving me the reality check of what would happen if I didn’t sort my shit out.

I went to the doctor, and he asked me a couple of questions and I literally broke down, I started on antidepressants and got some counselling. I’m not a talker, never have been, but the counsellor was brilliant and I had so many light bulb moments.

2 years later I can now say hand on heart, I should have done it a lot sooner. I no longer see a counsellor or take any medication. I work at things I enjoy at my own pace and with no stresses. My issue was not a single event that put me over the edge, it was years of sustained issues. If I’d recognised this early on and didn’t “man-up” I could have coped much better and not spiralled.

Everyone will have a different trigger point that sends them over the edge, some people will be open about their stress, often this can be perceived as trivial, but this might be their coping mechanism and they may never get any worse. The lesson everyone needs to take from this is don’t be dismissive to your own or anyone else’s issues. Take a step back and ask if you’re/they’re ok. Talk about it. I’ve learnt that I should have done that.

Brilliant post Gav!

 

[Kent Arboreal]

Good for you. This is important stuff. I thought mental health problems were trivial until I went doolally for a few months after some stressful events all hit at once. Now I’m of a different opinion. Well done

[David Cropper]

2 hours ago, Gav73 said:

I read this thread with interest and a touch of eye rolling. Please keep an open mind when reading the rest of this.

I used to be in the “man up and get on with it” camp until a couple of years back when I kind of broke down.

A lot of what has been written resonated with me and some of the other comments did make me wonder what would happen if some of the people went through the same things I did, would they man up? Would they turn to substance abuse? Would they open up?

I worked in an environment where people looked for me to lead them through some very challenging times. For 7 years we faced the prospect of being made redundant at any given moment. It was a rollercoaster ride, one day the business looked to be turning a corner, the next it was spiralling downhill. 7 years is a long time to keep up spirits and keep the chin up on both yourself and your staff - yes I did man up to it.

Eventually the inevitable happened and the business closed down. There was relief all round that it was finally over and everyone moved on. I started a new job and I’d like to think I was fine at this point, but 2 years later and the new company I worked for took over a government owned business, they really didn’t do all the checks they should have and ended up with a massive problem - too many staff and a contract that said the previously government owned staff could not be touched.

The business decision was to shut down my office and make the entire office staff (200 people) redundant, so once again I was thrust into the role of keeping spirits up, keeping the office going and putting on the brave face.

This time there was an added complication, one of my guys was diagnosed with terminal cancer - 23 years old, had an 18 month old girl and was given 6 months to live. A shitty situation made worse by the fact I knew if he died before the office closed his family would get a decent insurance payout, if he didn’t they would get a measly redundancy package. My bosses wanted to do the right thing, but they needed to know which was the cards were going to fall and I got the job of finding out.

I was lucky that this kid was probably the bravest, most realistic person I’ve ever met. He knew and accepted what was happening to him and he was open about telling me everything I needed to know. I carried on visiting him every week up until he was taken into the hospice for the final few days. He even called me and asked to see me the day before he died - it took me an hour to “man up” after that visit and go back into the office with the brace face and keep the spirits up.

The office shut down 2 months later and I’d already decided I was going to take a break before going back into another job, but a curveball was thrown my way. I was being kept on for another year to help the people who had taken out jobs get up to speed.

I spent the next 18 months (it got extended because they were so shit) travelling to their office 200 miles away and staying in hotels 3 nights a week - sounds like a nice life until you know that you’re not welcome in their office because they didn’t want to do the work and used it as a means to move around all their problem employers. So there I sat between clients who were going demented with the sub standard work and the staff who didn’t give a shit.

I turned to drink. Every night I went out for dinner and kept drinking long into the night. Mainly on my own, a few times with other people I knew, but mainly alone. Drinking alone is not a good thing. You mull over things and they fester.

After what seemed a lifetime the contract ended and took some time out. I wasn’t myself. I was moody, angry, tearful, suicidal, felt worthless. The slightest thing would tip me over the edge. I refused to go and see anyone because I would “man-up” and get through it.

The crunch point for me was my wife giving me the reality check of what would happen if I didn’t sort my shit out.

I went to the doctor, and he asked me a couple of questions and I literally broke down, I started on antidepressants and got some counselling. I’m not a talker, never have been, but the counsellor was brilliant and I had so many light bulb moments.

2 years later I can now say hand on heart, I should have done it a lot sooner. I no longer see a counsellor or take any medication. I work at things I enjoy at my own pace and with no stresses. My issue was not a single event that put me over the edge, it was years of sustained issues. If I’d recognised this early on and didn’t “man-up” I could have coped much better and not spiralled.

Everyone will have a different trigger point that sends them over the edge, some people will be open about their stress, often this can be perceived as trivial, but this might be their coping mechanism and they may never get any worse. The lesson everyone needs to take from this is don’t be dismissive to your own or anyone else’s issues. Take a step back and ask if you’re/they’re ok. Talk about it. I’ve learnt that I should have done that.

A very brave and honest post, Gavin.

[Wonky]

I think those that think ringing a mate and go for a drink and getting pissed will help..

well it may help some people that have the blues for a day or two. But there again were not all the same. I’ve been to hell and back, and it’s not nice.

 

all I can say wait till it happens to you, then you will know how shît life can be. But it may never happen to you. So you will never really know.

 

that’s my tuppence worth.