Job description/What they mean (Just for fun)

[Ratman]

Unimog for sale, unabused example.
Never used for heavy work.
Also for sale 8 sod reversible plough.
Needs a lick of paint.
Never used for towing.
Also for sale 24 ton lowloader.
Only ever driven to mass on Sunday, by an old lady,
Has some age related issues,
So does the unimog.
Much loved
Reluctant sale
Sold as seen
Cash only
No refunds
No time wasters
Any offer considered
Genuine offers only
Machine in great condition.
May suit enthusiast

Kin’ell Conor..... give someone else a go! [emoji23]

[oldwoodcutter]

A local dyke dweller recently put his heap of a car on a village centre layby, the only information scrawled on his ripped up cardboard box in the window was the price, and “radio works”.

[Conor Wright]

This one is real...
Tinkers in a small local town near where I grew up used to sell old second-hand furniture and trailers (presumably nicked) the sign outside read as follows
And Takes and whale boxes for sale (The r backwards, of course)
I believe they meant antiques and their term for trailer was wheel box.. the accent of course making it whale. But in fairness it shows one of em went to school long enough to learn most of the alphabet!

[Haironyourchest]

16 minutes ago, Conor Wright said:

This one is real...
Tinkers in a small local town near where I grew up used to sell old second-hand furniture and trailers (presumably nicked) the sign outside read as follows
And Takes and whale boxes for sale (The r backwards, of course)
I believe they meant antiques and their term for trailer was wheel box.. the accent of course making it whale. But in fairness it shows one of em went to school long enough to learn most of the alphabet!

Or they got a passerby to write it for them? Whale is a savage complicated word... actually that reminds me of a story from a friend who used to live in a certain town with a big traveler population. There was this one guy, John, a real head case who used to walk around with a machete inside his trouser leg. One day by buddy was waiting for his fish and chips and in walks John and pushed to the front of the queue. He (John) stands there scratching himself, reading the menue and deciding what to order. Unbeknownst to John, he's actually looking at the message board.

 

John: "Ohh, apricots with caramel! I think I'll have dat for dessert!"

 

Well, the advertisement was actually for 'Aerobics with Carmel'

 

My pal had to excersise great willpower to keep it together...

Edited December 28, 2018 by Haironyourchest

[Conor Wright]

Or they got a passerby to write it for them? Whale is a savage complicated word...

You're right! Because they know "and" from counting their kids.. there's paddy and Mikey and Mary and Bridget and Mikey and johnny and paddy and Mikey..
They know "takes" paddy takes stuff and Mikey takes more and Mary takes it to the market and Bridget takes the money...
They saw "for sale" on the house beside the one the council gave them...
"Box" is what paddy told Mikey he'd put him in if he didn't fight him for his caravan.. where does whale come into it...

[difflock]

Whale Oil beef hooked.

Obviously!

Like.

Edited December 29, 2018 by difflock

[TIMON]

“I’ve been down the garden and cleaned up the dog mess, so you guys can crack on” .....,

I haven’t been down there for days and it looks like the Somme so you’re going to be plastered in it and possibly blinded by Toxocariasis.

[peatff]

On 26/12/2018 at 18:54, Ratman said:

One LADY owner. Never raced or rallied!

 

Never checked the oil either

[Conor Wright]

Creative individual required, must be good with numbers. Attractive renumeration package. send cv to p.o. box (whatever)

 

Wanted, somebody to cook our books, it's a sh1tstorm down here and the taxman is coming, we have such a bad reputation we are not providing our name...so, we're hoping you are as desperate for a job as we are to find a scapegoat. We will pay you in cash because our line of credit has been frozen. 

 

 

[billpierce]

cough cough