Ratman

Quality!!! ???

Did you not post a pic of your gaff, similar time last year Mick with something that you were “training” and said it would give off an abundance of colour once ready?.... or am i mixed up with someone else?

I dont mind any of em really, bar a few. Starlings are out and out bullies and need a tap round head at times, especially regards food and bathing. Little dunnocks are fine, just make a mess of my borders and paths when weathers good. They love their dry soils and bird baths! Biggest peeve is bloody seagulls, rife round us at min and dont half leave the albatross affect when they’ve been!

Well... Simon does my chuffing head in! Swan needs to either wear a chuffing nappy or learn to shat in a potty! Old McGinty is pretty sound, pops in every now and then. Furious Half inch needs to sod off and leave my freshly laid borders alone... chuffing soil all over my paths! Pterodactyl needs to grow up rapid and stop being such an arrogant selfish bully! Insane bastard is a cool half back in my book! Ruffled Tightarse could be a little less shy if she wanted! Judi Dench Night Terror needs to learn how to share the bath water in such hard times! Albino Duck wants an elastic band round his snout at 5am in a morning! Crested Wanksock needs to be less fussy when he visits the food bank! Unkempt Snatch it seriously nearing my telescopic sights.... cheeky shite! Good old Don’t know and Midget of Death should learn to get along at the local pool! Hungarian Cock Gobbler is a top banana and can visit with his old lass anytime he wants! Whilst Golden Thramphammer is on the missing persons list at the local cop shop?!!!! [emoji106]

Strawberries going well Acer thrown some leaves out within the day Camellia Dr King budding away nicely Apple tree in blossom and coming along nicely again. Be glad to get everything in to proper borders and out of pots by next year.

Cheeky boy!!! Only 38 this time, hopefully a few more to go at yet! ? I’m not a massive fan of cake and sweet stuff really, but i can defo be swayed with a good wedge of lemon drizzle cake! [emoji6]

A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London . "I vish to buy sex viz you." "Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour." "Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky." "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10." Helmut agrees So off they go the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees." The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested. "Now you vill get down on your hans und knees." This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs. "You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you." She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying). But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it's several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?" "Zat," replies the German, "is ze Four-sprung Duck Technique.

Cheers mucker [emoji106]

Tonights birthday tea [emoji108] some home made tatey salad again, cheesy coleslaw, salad with sweet chilli drizzled on her, bramley apple pork sausages with minted lamp chops ? i’m stuffed! [emoji4]

Always looks like hes crying, constant streamer from his eyes, i must wipe em every bloody half hour, his mum says its normal, never been any different. I feel sorry for him and keep cleaning em [emoji23][emoji23] (soft fucker thats my problem!)

He aint mine Gary, he belongs to a lass i know/knock around with, she’s been a real rock to me since last september when the ex sodded off and then i lost my mum in november, shes looked after Agg’s for me when i’ve been desperate etc, so just returning the favour. I have him every now and then, hes a real cough drop at times [emoji23][emoji23] bit of a lone sole, enjoys his own space etc but always has to have his head leant against something, hence the door jarm in pic above [emoji23][emoji23] him and Aggs get on great so its a win win in my eyes [emoji106][emoji106]

Advertising the new “Labrador draught excluder” limited edition, only available in black ?

Cheaky twunt!!! I’m only 38 this time! [emoji4]

I can highly recommend! Cant beat it from a local shop in the heart of scotland obviously... but “halls” haggis from asda is pretty good (enough for two portions any day of week ?) and the sainsburys “macsween” is good too, also I like “grants” too which i get from my butchers that i use every couple of months

We knocked around for a while! [emoji6] your oats dont poison us! [emoji4]

Alright tigger!

Dog appreciates it too! [emoji6][emoji16][emoji106] Looks chuffing good i must admit!

You’ll be a fat lad in no time! [emoji108] black pudd is one of my favourites... love it! You a haggis fan? [emoji6] just bought a haggis roll from sainsburys last week, lovely it was too! ?

Think hes drugged!!! [emoji33] he can only muster up a “what?” reply!? ?

Its described in his post above.....you want some ear wash? [emoji6]