What tool do you hate the most ?

[Stubby]

Today I am hating glass lined thermos flasks

Couldn't find stainless one so used glass one , and dropped it

Aarghhhh

 

Sorry Arthur . ....I have a stainless one , must be 25 or more years old now .

[slim reaper]

Any tool i've spent two hours looking for only to remember some one has borrowed and not returned it.

[urbandekay]

Any tool i've spent two hours looking for only to remember some one has borrowed and not returned it.

 

Yer, that's the way of it, tools that go walkabout

[agrimog]

the one in 10 downing street

[Chris Sheppard]

Have had a good think about this and reckon it's got to be the Echo pole pruner when it's got the hedge cutter on it - if that comes out it's going to hurt.

[MATTMOSS]

Tools and there uses:

 

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

 

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh ****.”

 

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

 

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

 

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

 

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

 

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

 

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

 

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

 

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

 

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

 

E-Z OUT BOLT and STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn’t use anyway.

 

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over-tightened 58 years ago and neatly rounds off their heads.

 

CENTRE PUNCH: Used to make holes in thin sheet metal and the work bench at the same time.

 

RANDOM ORBIT SANDER: Used for removing the marks left by the PAD SANDER, usually on any surface perpendicular to the original gouge. May also be used to make semicircular gouges in wood.

 

DETAIL SANDER: Makes triangular gouges, generally in blind corners.

 

BISCUIT JOINER: Tool used to misalign wood in a very consistent manner which can then be sanded heavily (See BELT SANDER).

 

CHISEL: Multi use tool - good for making deep cuts in the hand.

 

CORDLESS DRILL/POWER SCREWDRIVER: Used for rounding out Phillips screw heads at high speed.

 

ROUTER: Used to darken wood by friction and make smoke.

 

TAPE MEASURE: This device is used to measure length. It should be immediately dropped onto concrete several times so that measurements made with it will then agree with every other TAPE MEASURE in the world.

 

CHAIN HOIST: Used for lifting heavy objects when all your friends have declared you insane and deserted you. Also used to test the strength of thin roof beams.

 

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

 

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy-duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

 

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

 

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

 

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

 

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part.

 

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

 

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

 

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. It is especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

 

GRINDER: A small light-weight hand grinder useful in grinding many different types of materials as well as eyebrows when it catches the dangling drawstrings of a “hoodie” sweater.

 

PIPE WRENCH: A multi-tool that is handy for turning on and off valves, coaxing, hammering, prying, and aligning anything into its rightful place. (Also useful for tightening and loosening threaded pipe). A great tool to relieve a sore back, after dropping on foot, squashing fingers, or slipping off pipe and crashing into wall with arm.

 

CLAMPS: These come in two sizes: too small and loaned to an in-law.

 

MITER SAW: Used to make wood slightly shorter than necessary.

 

JOINTER: Used to make the too thin, too short, too narrow wood perfectly straight. Very useful for making two sides of a board perfectly straight but non-parallel.

 

 

TWO-PART EPOXY: a super strong, fast bonding adhesive used to weld fingers together or to other body parts.

 

Dam it tool: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, “DAMN-IT!” at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Edited April 3, 2014 by MATTMOSS
correction

[Chris Sheppard]

^^ Reading that made me laugh so much my face hurts now:001_smile:

[Rich2484]

That's brilliant.

 

But I do have a few suggestions.

 

Power drill. Used to dril into the fingernail to remove the extreme pain caused when missing the object you are hitting with the hammer, and then covering you in your own blood when you get through the nail.....

 

Box cutter. Also a very precise surgical instrument for trying to cut your fingers off.

[Gary Prentice]

GRINDER: A small light-weight hand grinder useful in grinding many different types of materials as well as eyebrows when it catches the dangling drawstrings of a “hoodie” sweater.

 

Pmsl:thumbup:

[ArthurBottlesworth]

Have you considered accountancy as a career?