One liners from customers

[Buzz]

I went to price taking a huge hedge out on a building site.

 

When I got there the 360 driver siad to me, "I've made it easy for you and ripped the hedge out with the machine"

 

He'd ragged the hedge out, roots an all and dragged them across a muddy site piling them all in a huge mud and rock strewn pile.

 

I told him the only option left open to him now, was to either get in loads of skips or set fire to the pile.

 

I had the exact same thing a couple of years ago, the site manager was rather peeved when i told him the young inexperienced 360 driver had problem cost the site 10k in skips

 

While we did the rest of the work he was supposed to be scraping the site off and had not a clue. It looked like telly tubby land after he'd done with piles of spoil everywhere mixed with green waste.

 

He was the groundworkers son and i think they'd stuck him on the enabling works to keep him out of trouble.

 

He must have cost them a fortune LMAO

[madm]

Climbed and took down a small/medium eucalyptus in a back garden once, the woman watched the whole thing out the window, kept coming out to take photos. Told me aterwards it had been the most exciting day of her life..

[Zenfordinner]

A male client suggested I wear hot pants or a mini skirt to climb, then he blushed- old enough to be my father, too!

 

Had a few men say, " I thought you were tree fellers", to which I reply, " I am saving up for the operation". Most look a bit shocked and soon stop talking.

[PeteB]

"Can you stack those logs in the back of the garage"?

 

Whilst doing some fencing along a footpath a milf walks past with a couple of kids, one kid says "Why are they doing that"? Mum replies in a quiet voice, "because they've been naughty and the Judge has told them to"!

 

"You've left bits of sawdust on my lawn"!

 

Q "Do you have a big man from Huddersfield working for you"?

A "The one with missing teeth and boxers eyebrows, yeh thats Mick, sound lad, please don't keep him talking he has another job to go to"

[j r hartly]

had a customer last wednesday, in the torrential rain, who waited for the boss to get to the top, before asking if we wanted tea? then went out between 11 and 2, then asked again. no, i said, he's been down had din dins and got back up. Then, when she came out at 5.30pm(we've both grown gills by now) she looked at the tree and said "thats awful", i had to smile and agree.

 

sometimes it is better to get up there and do it yerself

[NickJC]

On more than one occasion, we've had "of course, I could have done this myself, but I just didn't feel up to it" - what a 60ft dismantle of a poplar over your conservatory? mmmmmmmmmmmmm..............

[MattyF]

Wasnt me but after one of the lads had been climbing all day with a set of spikes on the customer quietly says to another lad "It's amazing what these disabled people can do nowadays"

 

I just spat a mouthfull of tea all over the computer reading that!......I used to play the undo the spike game and run around the garden like forrest gump untill they fell off when i was a young scamp....dunno what the customers thought though.

[Tommy_B]

I just spat a mouthfull of tea all over the computer reading that!......I used to play the undo the spike game and run around the garden like forrest gump untill they fell off when i was a young scamp....dunno what the customers thought though.

 

 

It's a fine line between genius and insanity Matt!!!

[jacko]

Can you just put that thru your chipper should allways be met with the reply " Can i just nip into town in your car" usually they say no so you dont need to reply.

[Mike Hill]

Can you just put that thru your chipper should allways be met with the reply " Can i just nip into town in your car" usually they say no so you dont need to reply.

 

Thats a brilliant retort! I'll have to remember that one!