Jokes???

[grim72]

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE - Classes for that special Woman in your life

 

Spring Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By Friday, 1st April, 2011

 

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS. EACH CLASS WILL LAST FOR TWO HOURS

 

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

 

Class 2 Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

 

Class 3 Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

 

Class 5 Curling Tongs--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM

 

Class 6 How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

 

Class 7 Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

 

Class 8 Health Watch -They Make Medicine for PMT - and How To Use It!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

 

Class 10 How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

 

Class 11 Learning to Live - How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

 

Class 12 How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[Stephen Blair]

Priceless !

[skyhuck]

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE - Classes for that special Woman in your life

 

Spring Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By Friday, 1st April, 2011

 

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS. EACH CLASS WILL LAST FOR TWO HOURS

 

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

 

Class 2 Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

 

Class 3 Is It Possible To Drive Past Marks & Spencer Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

 

Class 5 Curling Tongs--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM

 

Class 6 How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

 

Class 7 Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

 

Class 8 Health Watch -They Make Medicine for PMT - and How To Use It!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

 

Class 10 How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

 

Class 11 Learning to Live - How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

 

Class 12 How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

 

 

Its funny because its true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rich Rule]

News Flash

 

...police have found 16 lambs in 2 cars on the m5, they think theyve cracked a welsh sex trafficking ring.

[Matthew Arnold]

10 years, millions of bullets, five hundred thousand rockets, ten thousand cruise missiles, a billion tons of bombs, thousands dead, invasions, tanks, helicopters and military satellites, stealth bombers, fighter jets, the SAS,SBS, CIA, FBI, MI5, MI6, Navy Seals, trillions of dollars, and they finally found him .....................................................................................................in his house

 

 

 

A teenage girl was wearing a see-thru top n no bra. Her gran threw a fit.

 

"You cant go out like that"

"Chill gran these are modern times u gotta let ya rose buds show"

 

Next day she comes in to find gran topless

 

"Aaaargh, you cant do that gran"

Gran says "If you can show ya rose buds i can show my hanging baskets"

Edited May 12, 2011 by Matthew Arnold

[Stephen Blair]

News Flash

 

...police have found 16 lambs in 2 cars on the m5, they think theyve cracked a welsh sex trafficking ring.

 

:lol:

[Dave Martin]

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .

 

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but

they haven't got tickets.

 

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm

and walks to the gate.

" McTavish , Scotland " he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

 

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it

over his shoulder.

" Waddington-Smythe , England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he

walks.

 

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and

tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."

[Robert_S]

An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide the doctor with a sperm sample, he turns up 2 days later with an empty jar. The nurse asks "why no sperm sample...?"

 

He says " sorry i tried with my right hand, then my left!!...then my wife tried with her both hands!!.. then with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with them out!!..

 

Then we got Ethel in from next door to try but it was no good!!.............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We just cant get the jar open!!!

[Paulfreebury]

Two parrots sat on a perch, one says to the other can you smell fish?

[new_fella]

What do you call a dog with two cocks ? ...... N-Dubz !!!