Jokes???

[timbernut]

Norfolk police have raided a house behind the library in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, and found Drugs with a street value of £4 million 12 AK47 rifles and 22 hand grenades. Local residents are in a state of shock as they didn't know Great Yarmouth had a library.

[Ironbark]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He spots a man down below and lowers the balloon to shout: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.”

“You must be an engineer” says the balloonist.

“I am” replies the man. “How did you know.”

“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below says “You must be a manager.”

“I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problems. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

 

Edited November 22, 2018 by Ironbark

[Ironbark]

A Chap goes to see the doctor. ''Doctor, I need a large prescription for Viagra''.

Doc says, ''What on earth for''.

Chap says, ''Well, I have the ex-wife coming round on Friday night and she is well up for it, on Saturday my neighbour is coming round and she is gagging for it, and on Sunday my ex-wife's sister is coming round and we always get it together''.

Doc says, ''Here is the prescription, but do be careful''.

Monday morning, chap turns up at the surgery with his right arm in a sling.

Doc says, ''What on earth have you been doing''?

Chap says, ''No one turned up''.

[Big J]

[difflock]

Another "failure to communicate".

[timbernut]

[westphalian]

Just forwarded that one to my wife bless her

[Lazurus]

2 minutes ago, westphalian said:

Just forwarded that one to my wife bless her

Ditto......

I will pay for that!

[devon TWiG]

This one made me laugh , and it is tree related .... also GERMAN  humour !!

 

[westphalian]

On ‎26‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 08:12, Lazurus said:

Ditto......

I will pay for that!

yeah, I though I would reinforce the message by getting her a fitbit for xmas