Jokes???

[Tree Man Tom]

whats white and cant climb trees?

 

 

 

My fridge

 

Someone obviously listened to radio1 this morning!

[RobRainford]

Someone obviously listened to radio1 this morning!

 

I did! I've been in a tractor all week and I've only got radio people keeping me company!

[Fungus]

An old, possibly Irish joke I found in Failed God by John Rush.

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden, naming animals and smelling flowers, when God approached and said : "I have some good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first ?" Adam looked at the face in the sky and replied : "Tell me the good news first."

The voice paused for a moment and then spoke : "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. From the first you will derive great pleasure and from the second you will acquire great intellect."

Adam stood shocked, not quite grasping the situation, but at the same time assuming that getting things was good. "Cool man ! Bitchin' ! Awesome ! ... but what's the bad news ?"

God paused again, realizing that sometimes things go wrong in the workshop. "Well," he began, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at the time."

[nepia]

My senile mate keeps knocking on his own front door and running round the back to answer it.

I don't think he realises what he's letting himself in for.

[alex_m]

I just drank some wkd with ice in it.

 

It was wicked.

[Martyn Amos]

i told my gran i have a new job where i have live sex on stage!

she said are you having me on.i said i"ll ask my boss but cant promise anything

[Lorry thompson]

I'm Tired!Yes, I'm tired. For several years I've been blaming it on middle age, poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, obesity, dieting, under arm odour, yellow wax build up and another dozen maladies that make you wonder if life is worth living.But I found out it ain't that.I'm tired because I'm overworked.The population of this country is 62 million 29 million are retired; That leaves 33 million to do the work. There are 23 million at school; That leaves 10 million to do the work. 1 million are unemployed and 5 million are employed by the Government; That leaves 4 million to do the work. 3 Million are employed by County and Borough Councils leaving 1 million to do the work. There are 620,000 people in hospital and 379,998 in prisons.Which leaves 2 people to do the work.You and me.And you're sitting on your arse reading thisNo wonder I'm bloody tired!

[Stephen Blair]

J i had to ask the wife why the above was a joke, i don't follow football.

Once she explained it wasnt really football related i then proceeded to spit out my pasta ha ha.

[nepia]

I looked down on the destruction: smashed windows, cars overturned, a bus on fire, people running scared, the Police not knowing what move to make...

 

I turned to the wife and said "Chin up darling; you did your best but maybe I should park the car".

[Ian H]

Spurs have signed a new centre forward. Mario Grabatelli has stated that he's delighted to be coming to Tottenham.

 

Soon to be followed by Mustafa Plasma:sneaky2: