Jokes???

[Matthew Arnold]

10 years, millions of bullets, five hundred thousand rockets, ten thousand cruise missiles, a billion tons of bombs, thousands dead, invasions, tanks, helicopters and military satellites, stealth bombers, fighter jets, the SAS,SBS, CIA, FBI, MI5, MI6, Navy Seals, trillions of dollars, and they finally found him .....................................................................................................in his house

 

 

 

A teenage girl was wearing a see-thru top n no bra. Her gran threw a fit.

 

"You cant go out like that"

"Chill gran these are modern times u gotta let ya rose buds show"

 

Next day she comes in to find gran topless

 

"Aaaargh, you cant do that gran"

Gran says "If you can show ya rose buds i can show my hanging baskets"

Edited May 12, 2011 by Matthew Arnold

[Stephen Blair]

News Flash

 

...police have found 16 lambs in 2 cars on the m5, they think theyve cracked a welsh sex trafficking ring.

 

:lol:

[Dave Martin]

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .

 

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but

they haven't got tickets.

 

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm

and walks to the gate.

" McTavish , Scotland " he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

 

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it

over his shoulder.

" Waddington-Smythe , England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he

walks.

 

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and

tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."

[Robert_S]

An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide the doctor with a sperm sample, he turns up 2 days later with an empty jar. The nurse asks "why no sperm sample...?"

 

He says " sorry i tried with my right hand, then my left!!...then my wife tried with her both hands!!.. then with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with them out!!..

 

Then we got Ethel in from next door to try but it was no good!!.............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We just cant get the jar open!!!

[Paulfreebury]

Two parrots sat on a perch, one says to the other can you smell fish?

[new_fella]

What do you call a dog with two cocks ? ...... N-Dubz !!!

[oldwoodcutter]

They have invented new medication for depressed lesbians,its called tricoxagain.

[High Scale]

What do you call a Chav in a box? Init.

 

What do you call a Chav in a locked box? Safe.

[chaffey]

Met a bird down my local the other night. Told her she was just like my little toe! She said 'why's that cos i'm small and cute'? I said no it's because i'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table!!

[Matthew Arnold]

Teacher says to Johnny "where's Pakistan?" Johnny says " out in the playground with Pakisteve."

 

I was at the doctors last week, and told him my recurring delusion: that i kept thinking that i was a moth. He told me i should be down the corridor in the Psychiatrist's office. "I know i should," i replied "but you light was on and i just had to come in..."

 

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I have Alzheimers

Cheese on Toast.