Jokes???

[skc101fc]

 

 

 

[skc101fc]

Clever, twigged after second go  [emoji6] K

It's taken me 4 attempts,so definitely a bit slower in the brain. Half tempted to try it again to see if I get a different answer! [emoji85]

[Khriss]

9 hours ago, skc101fc said:

It's taken me 4 attempts,so definitely a bit slower in the brain. Half tempted to try it again to see if I get a different answer!

Beyond me as to who even thinks up these things  . K

[Logdaft]

These are (allegedly) actual complaints!  Only in Britain – Complaints to Councils and extracts of letters written to them:

1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

[Billhook]

 

[Billhook]

10 hours ago, Billhook said:

 

" Has the train arrived in Paddington yet? "

"No, I'm afraid it's in Colchester, Ouch!"

 

Classic!

[Logdaft]

Sainsbury Condoms - Making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - Every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good
Minstrels Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load
Abbey National Condoms - Because life is complicated enough
Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing
Ever Ready Condoms - Keep going and going
Pringles Condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
Goodyear Condoms - For a longer ride go wide
Muller Light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain?
Halfords Condoms - We go the extra mile
Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you
Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault Condoms - Size really does matter!
Ronseal Condoms - Does exactly what it says on the tin
Domestos Condoms - Gets right under the rim!!!
Heineken Condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg Condoms - Probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - The 4th emergency service
Pepperami Condoms - It’s a bit of a animal
Polo Condoms - The condom with the hole
McDonalds Condoms - I’m lovin' it!

[Logdaft]

[youngsbury]

[Ratman]