Jokes???

[Gray git]

Nice 1 ham, so like our house it's unreal!

[felixthelogchopper]

A politician, a reporter and a Soldier were captured by Daesh and told they were to be beheaded. All 3 were offered a last request before the deed was done. The politician asked that he could hear "the international" one last time. A recording of the communist anthem was duly found and played out to the teary-eyed leftie. The reporter requested that he be allowed to address the camera used to record the executions so that he got his face on TV even after he died. The terrorists agreed to this. The Soldier simply asked that each of the terrorists present gave him a kick up the arse before he was beheaded. Bemused, they did as he asked. As the last extremist boot went in, the Signaller pitched forward, rolled, whipped out the Browning 9mm he had concealed in his trousers and started shooting till he ran out of ammo. Grabbing an AK47 from the dead terrorist, he calmly finished off his would-be executioners before pulling out a Cuban cigar and lighting it from his hot gun barrel. The amazed reporter and politician thanked the Soldier profusely but were puzzled as to why he had asked for the arse-kicking before he performed his heroics.

"Well", says the Soldier, "when we get back to the UK, I can't have you two stringing me up for an unprovoked attack".

[geoff]

A politician, a reporter and a Soldier were captured by Daesh and told they were to be beheaded. All 3 were offered a last request before the deed was done. The politician asked that he could hear "the international" one last time. A recording of the communist anthem was duly found and played out to the teary-eyed leftie. The reporter requested that he be allowed to address the camera used to record the executions so that he got his face on TV even after he died. The terrorists agreed to this. The Soldier simply asked that each of the terrorists present gave him a kick up the arse before he was beheaded. Bemused, they did as he asked. As the last extremist boot went in, the Signaller pitched forward, rolled, whipped out the Browning 9mm he had concealed in his trousers and started shooting till he ran out of ammo. Grabbing an AK47 from the dead terrorist, he calmly finished off his would-be executioners before pulling out a Cuban cigar and lighting it from his hot gun barrel. The amazed reporter and politician thanked the Soldier profusely but were puzzled as to why he had asked for the arse-kicking before he performed his heroics.

"Well", says the Soldier, "when we get back to the UK, I can't have you two stringing me up for an unprovoked attack".

 

Spot on mate:001_smile:

[felixthelogchopper]

Spot on mate:001_smile:

 

Have to confess it was nicked from Spike.

[geoff]

Have to confess it was nicked from Spike.

 

I figured that, succinct all the same:001_smile:

[gnfencer]

Did you hear about the calendar rapist?

Police say his days are numbered.

[djbobbins]

My boss sent someone an email today describing me as his number two. Was he being shitty or am I just being facetious?

[inthewoods]

My boss sent someone an email today describing me as his number two. Was he being shitty or am I just being facetious?

 

No you're being feaciestious ;-)

[Mark Bolam]

my boss sent someone an email today describing me as his number two. Was he being shitty or am i just being facetious?

 

No you're being feaciestious ;-)

 

 

😀😀😀😀😀

[Mark Bolam]

Paddy is in a lift when a gigantic black dude gets in.

Paddy can't help staring.

The black dude says in a Barry White voice,

'7'2".

350 lbs.

12" penis.

Testicles weigh 3lb each.

Turner Brown.'

Paddy faints.

When he wakes up the black guy has dropped to his knees and is trying to comfort him.

'You ok little man?'

Paddy says 'Why did you say that to me?'

The giant says 'I saw you looking at me and just thought I'd answer all the usual questions. How tall are you? 7'2". How much do you weigh? 350lbs. How big are your genitals 12" penis, 3lb testicles. What's your name? Turner Brown.'

 

'Thank feck for that', says Paddy.

'I thought you said 'Turn around!' '