Jokes???

[aspenarb]

http://arbtalk.co.uk/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=148170&stc=1&d=1391899949

[RobRainford]

Being married is a lot like being arrested because everything you say WILL be used against you, but you don't get the right to remain silent

[oldwoodcutter]

Chap got pulled over for speeding at 1 o'clock in the morning,he said to the copper that he was on his way to listen to a lecture.

Yeah right said plod,who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?

My wife.

[etl18]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WoM2bHfr48]Beans - YouTube[/ame]

[Gray git]

That's brilliant etl!

 

sent while pretending to do something important on my mobile.

[geoff]

This on another (bike) forum, the bloke was after a bit of a chat about marital difficulties he was experiencing, shall I stay or go type of thing.

[Bob Slade]

Childbirth at 65

 

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a

65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she

was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to

visit.

 

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

 

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a

while first.'

 

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked,

'May I see the new baby now?'

 

'No, not yet,' She said.

 

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

 

'No, not yet,’ replied my friend.

 

Growing very impatient,

I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

 

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

 

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded.

'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

 

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?'

[Stephen Blair]

Geoff that's cracking !!

[Al Cormack]

Grandma is driving

 

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She*writes a letter to her Grand-daughter:

 

 

Dear Grand-daughter,*

 

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..*

 

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..*

 

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.*

 

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.*

 

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.*

 

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.*

 

I found that lots of people love Jesus!*

 

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'*

 

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'*

 

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!*

 

Everyone started honking!*

 

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.*

 

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!*

 

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.*

 

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.*

 

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.*

 

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.*

 

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.*

 

My grandson burst out laughing.*

 

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!*

 

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.*

 

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.*

 

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.*

 

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.*

 

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!*

 

Will write again soon,*

 

Love, Grandma

 

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Arbtalk mobile app

[Stephen Blair]

Paddy and Murphy are sat in the pub and the barmaid mentions there both getting a bit of a belly, they decide it's time for a bit of exercise, the barmaid says the best form is dancing .

 

 

 

They decide to make a list of differnt types and decide which they like as they try them over the next few weeks.

 

 

 

Following night they both stagger into the bar torn to shreds clothes hanging of them blood every were, Paddy turns murphy and says rioght we can knock the bloody lion dancing of the list:wave:

 

 

Nearly choked on my burger there