Whinjuries

[Joe Newton]

A colleague of mine is a purveyor of the devil's lettuce.

 

His fiance was round one day whilst he was at work. He came home to find her on the floor experiencing some pretty advanced state of anxiety.

 

Ambulance was called and in the aftermath he discovered an empty packet of very strong edibles, disguised as a popular chocolate treat.

 

Apparently one square was enough for my seasoned colleague, whereas his fiance had eaten the whole bar (10x the recommended dose).

 

To this day she beleives she had an undiagnosed heart condition, and he's too terrified to tell her the truth. 

[Spruce Pirate]

Lynch pins!  I don't know how many times I've snapped one on my finger or how many more times it will take before I learn!

 

Tonight's stupid, easily avoidable headache was smashing one of the kids Easter chocolate bunnys over my forehead to break it for them.  Chocolate rabbits are surprisingly hard!

[maybelateron]

A few years ago I was climbing and dismantling a willow over a sheer drop. All went ok until I came down, unclipped from the ropes and promptly tripped on some stone sets and chipped a corner off my patella. No needed for hospital/x-ray - you could feel the loose bit.

 

A dreaded cringeury of mine is the risk I mistake the roll on Deepheat for my roll on anti perspirant. Ouch.

[manco]

10 hours ago, Spruce Pirate said:

Lynch pins!  I don't know how many times I've snapped one on my finger or how many more times it will take before I learn!

 

Tonight's stupid, easily avoidable headache was smashing one of the kids Easter chocolate bunnys over my forehead to break it for them.  Chocolate rabbits are surprisingly hard!

[Doug Tait]

Went out with a lass for a while, she lived with her mum but dad wasn't around. I was quickly accepted as man of the house and did all the fixing and shelf erecting etc. They went to ikea one Saturday, I may have had a few with the lads. Got to the house just as they were leaving for a night out together. Look they said, we got these new wall lights, can you put them up please, we'd be sooo grateful.

 

Obviously to keep my status level up it had to happen before they returned, and despite having no electrical tools whatsoever at theirs I was drunk, I mean confident. Not a problem, there's a tiny knife from the kitchen that would remove the screws.

Switched off the lighting circuit and got stuck in. Three fittings along one wall changed, only one in a corner to do. Suddenly a flash, I had a loud ringing in my ears and couldn't work out why I was sat on the floor, strange taste in my mouth and a knife in my hand with a melted tip.

 

They never found out and hero status remained, but I learnt you never assume a light is fed from a lighting circuit. And that doing so is a quick way to sober up.

[sime42]

1 hour ago, Doug Tait said:

Went out with a lass for a while, she lived with her mum but dad wasn't around. I was quickly accepted as man of the house and did all the fixing and shelf erecting etc. They went to ikea one Saturday, I may have had a few with the lads. Got to the house just as they were leaving for a night out together. Look they said, we got these new wall lights, can you put them up please, we'd be sooo grateful.

 

Obviously to keep my status level up it had to happen before they returned, and despite having no electrical tools whatsoever at theirs I was drunk, I mean confident. Not a problem, there's a tiny knife from the kitchen that would remove the screws.

Switched off the lighting circuit and got stuck in. Three fittings along one wall changed, only one in a corner to do. Suddenly a flash, I had a loud ringing in my ears and couldn't work out why I was sat on the floor, strange taste in my mouth and a knife in my hand with a melted tip.

 

They never found out and hero status remained, but I learnt you never assume a light is fed from a lighting circuit. And that doing so is a quick way to sober up.

 

I had a similarly exciting experience with wiring once. Though I was sober. (Not sure if that works in my defense or not). The only thing that I know for sure now about wiring is to assume nothing! I was cutting what I thought was an already disconnected wire.

 

Edit. And remember to use one of those electrical tester screwdrivers before touching anything.

 

 

 

 

Edited April 2 by sime42

[Doug Tait]

1 hour ago, sime42 said:

 

I had a similarly exciting experience with wiring once. Though I was sober. (Not sure if that works in my defense or not). The only thing that I know for sure now about wiring is to assume nothing! I was cutting what I thought was an already disconnected wire.

 

Edit. And remember to use one of those electrical tester screwdrivers before touching anything.

 

 

 

 

 

That's what hurt the most sime, my dad had all the kit, tester, insulated tools, just not at theirs and I had my eyes on the prize, wink wink!

[PeteB]

A couple of years ago, I was asked by one of my Scottish dealers to come up with a tractor mounted chipper to show a bloke. I borrow one off of a customer for the job and repay him by fitting a set of 6 new disc blades. I drove from the factory up to a hotel in Greenock and set about the blade change in the carpark. I removed all six blades and started to get the new ready. I set my torque wrench to 210nm and jammed the flywheel with a spanner, put the torque wrench on the nut and gave it a healthy heave. At that pressure, the jamming spanner flew off and the rotor came around and trapped my thumb between the housing and the rotor! I felt quite sick with the noise and the pain.

 

I removed my glove and the pad on my thump was squibbed to one side and bleeding heavily.  I pushed the pad back into place and put the glove back on! I finished the blade change so it was ready for the demo! The hotel only had a plaster so I went for a steak with with a wedge of Handy Andys held in place with two cable ties..... A visit to Tesco next morning got a roll of tape and some proper dressings.

 

The Rep was furious at the customer who thought that we were coming with a tractor too, so no demo to do! I decided to call it quits and drove the seven hours home with a right throbbing thumb! A few days later I was xrayed and it was broken and too late to stitch so it got left! 

[monkeybusiness]

I found out last night that flap disks are really effective on skin…

[Will C]

That looks like it smarted a bit