Lock Down?

[eggsarascal]

20 minutes ago, trigger_andy said:

Prince Charles has The Rona! 

 

Bloody hell that could be the death of him. ? 

Why has he gone to his second home to self isolate then, I thought that was frowned upon.

[trigger_andy]

1 minute ago, eggsarascal said:

Why has he gone to his second home to self isolate then, I thought that was frowned upon.

I know right! Bloody English coming up here with there Viruses!  

 

Emptying our local shops of bog roll!

Edited March 25, 2020 by trigger_andy

[difflock]

1 hour ago, eggsarascal said:

Why has he gone to his second home to self isolate then, I thought that was frowned upon.

Ah wondered who ud be first to comment, having thunk the exact same thought.

[tree-fancier123]

the docs have told him he probably wasn't contagious when he last saw the Queen, wonder if PaddyPower will be doing odds on a new monarch by next month

[trigger_andy]

Just now, tree-fancier123 said:

the docs have told him he probably wasn't contagious when he last saw the Queen, wonder if PaddyPower will be doing odds on a new monarch by next month

He got it on purpose!  She was never gonna die otherwise.  

 

Like how Harvey Weinstein has just caught it. Cant use suicide by hanging twice in a row.  

[The avantgardener]

2 hours ago, trigger_andy said:

I know right! Bloody English coming up here with there Viruses!  

 

Emptying our local shops of bog roll!

I will have you know that the English Royalty don’t use bog roll, preferring instead to wipe ones arses on swans necks.

[trigger_andy]

I will have you know that the English Royalty don’t use bog roll, preferring instead to wipe ones arses on swans necks.

Meh, that’s nothing! We had Samoyed puppies just at the right time! ?

[youngsbury]

This is the funniest one I’ve seen so far.... ??....

EMPLOYEE NOTICE

Due to the current financial situation caused by the Corona Virus and slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your TD, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to Corona Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

[Mr. Squirrel]

6 hours ago, The avantgardener said:

We can’t do anything to influence the Chinese food markets but we can pay more tax to better prepare our health service for future situations, I for one won’t grumble at paying more tax if it is used correctly.

Before you joined Arbtalk I think most of us where unaware that there was an ‘Ignore’ button, are you going for the Arbtalk record?

I'd have a grumble. I already pay my fair share of taxes, and not a penny less. There's plenty of high earners and companies who go to great efforts to avoid paying any. That lot need hung out to dry for all they don't contribute. 

 

But yeah, lockdown. It's a thing. The AA statement is about what you'd expect. They aren't a government branch, they're just trying to interpret the government stance, which was pretty ambiguous for us really. 

Boris has fucked this whole thing up so badly, I hope he lives to see the end of it so he can get burned alive for his lack of even a hint of leadership or initiative so far. 

[Khriss]

"PROTECT & SURVIVE  "  Ring any bells ?  ( survive to wot I always wondered ) *waits for anti-Corbyn rants from usual corner*  k