David Cropper

Stefan, here's my two pennerth worth. I assume that your girlfriend is a Jock with you living up there? If so you must remember that Jockenese women never, ever forget any slight, imagined or otherwise. I know about these things. Sleep with one eye open until she calms down. You may think you've got away with it, trust me, you ain't and never will . I was stump grinding Wednesday 160 kms away from home and had promised that I would be back for a neighbours party, she had already told me that it wouldn't be a problem if I was late. Luckily the neighbour was ill so party cancelled. My point being, Wee Jimmy Krankie may have said that but don't trust Jock Birds, you will pay later. By the way, she is 5 foot tall, 8 stone wet through, don't let the size fool you, they ain't human when annoyed.

I took some ivy down at my place three weeks ago and ended up looking like the Elephant Man. Arms full of lumps which I ripped to bits scratching them. Got some cortisone from the chemist, took nearly a week to sort it out.

I think I remember the Dalai Lama saying that as well, Bob. Or am I confusing him with someone else?

That's a fantastic bit of work, Mike. My wife and daughter went over to London for Remberence weekend in 2014 and were lucky enough to get to the Tower of London for the ceremony where the last ceramic poppy was laid. There was complete silence, very, very emotional and respect shown by all.

I suspect that Mr Bolam may just demonstrate it to you.

Same as you, Mick, swallows Wednesday and a cuckoo yesterday.

He's not keen on folk going on about his work, he told my wife he likes to keep his privacy. Nice enough chap, wants the quiet life. I suppose he gets sick of people calling him Rab

Looking good.

Which one is you?

Got a call last night from a very nice English lady asking could she have a quote for stump grinding. I said that as today was a day off and I was going to take the House Jock for a meal then I would pop in on the way. Gets to the lady's house, she came out to greet us, invited us to have a brew. This is my husband, she says, out of the kitchen comes Gregor Fisher, aka Rab C Nesbitt. I knew he had bought a house somewhere round here, but didn't know where exactly. I did the spiel to his wife whilst the two Jocks jabbered away quite happily. I return on Tuesday.

You do come out with some crap at times! How can it be called a fair fight? Two yobs against him, Marquis of Queensbury Rules go out of the window, use any means to put them on the deck. I'm sure you come out with these sort of statements to get a reaction. Mind you, its worked, I just bit. Off to do some quotes before this conversation escalates into another slanging match.

Had a very good day yesterday. Finished grinding out a load of big bay clumps for this French chap, in good time, nice bloke who offered me a beer or a glass of red at 0930! He kept bringing in his neighbours to see the machine working and kept telling me that he would get me more work in the village if he could. When he paid up he said, hang on a minute I've got something for you for doing a good job. He came out of the house with a carrier bag with three very old, filthy bottles of wine. Two were 1986 burgundy, the third was a bottle of Emilius de Trimoulet 1996. I said that I couldn't take them, but thank you anyway, they were too good to give away. I don't drink red he said. The label on the Emilius was scratched and manky, I thought the date was 1990, looked it up on the Internet, worth €300! On closer inspection it was a 96, couldn't find anything about it. Like to think that I would have took it back to him if it was worth something like the €300 or at least split the proceeds with him. Someone like that makes all the pillocks that you deal with worthwhile. Today has had a crap start, the tame Jock made porridge, bleeding dreadful, never the same consistency, I'm like sodding Goldilocks. May well render the walls with it later.

Sorry, pal, I stand corrected, good for you acknowledging the fact.

Exactly, well put, Geoff. Once a thief, always a thief. SCUM.

Does it sound as though I encourage pop ins. The Jock is happy, saucer of milk for her and back into her cage for the night. Alls well with the World.

I don't believe this, the bleeding neighbours knocked on the door again,this time before the National Anthems were finish! I said to the Jock, mute the telly and hide in the kitchen. Don't be rude she said! Jesus Wept.

These are of the traction engine(I hope)!

On the other side of the coin, I meet some really interesting ex pats out here. The bloke on Friday at Limoges was one of the most interesting. I always get the customer to inspect the first stump I've ground out to make sure he's happy with the result so far. I found him in his workshop, he asked me if I wanted to see his project. I went in and found he was building a quarter size Showman's traction engine, fantastic thing to see. It turned out that he knew a bmare of mine in Dorchester who had a full sized one and had met him 30 years ago at a show. He sent me some photos via email when I got home, but I'm buggered if I can remember how to attach them to this message.

Bob, I seem to have the rather dubious gift of attracting all the poor, tortured souls who are looking for attention. It's my burden, but I carry it well.

This is what I do. I had a landscaper,who I was working with the other week, swore by using brake fluid, works everytime and is fast acting.

I have Stuart. An eccentric Yorkshireman who spent all his time and vast amounts of money on setting up a complex watering system to keep his,very big lawned areas ,in pristine condition. Bearing in mind that down here we have temperatures in summer knocking on 40 degrees on a regular basis. It was, I have to say very impressive. He was a fanatical cricketer and umpire, had practice nets up,the lot. Luckily I had to grind out some big bays, not near the lawns!

Half a day's pay for one small stump, yes, ,mind you, I'm saying it now, sitting at home, maybe another story when I get to the job! I asked him to email me his details, address etc so I can send him the quote, as yet nothing. If he doesn't reply, that's okay by me. My mate has weighed up the job, including my part in it so I'm not totally in the dark as to what it entails. I'll combine it with another small job the same day. Ironically the date my mate is going to drop the tree is 1st of April!

Imagine the stink from old, wet mattresses lying around? I know, after looking at some of the property for sale over here!

Will do. Did 4 very big chestnuts last Friday near Limoges, bloke was ok about the tracks making a bit of mess round the work area as he was having some changes made to the garden, ground was quite dry, no mud about which made it easy but still track marks where I had to change position. Most folk are fairly happy to accept a bit of marking as the lawns here are not to the same standard as in the UK. Still try to limit the damage using boards.

Don't worry, that's the first thing I said to him. Give it another few weeks hereand the ground will be hard. We've had it here when we've had a dry spell in April that the ground is rock hard.