Billhook

One for sorrow, Two for luck; (or mirth) Three for a wedding, Four for death; (or birth) Five for silver, Six for gold; Seven for a secret, Not to be told; Eight for heaven, Nine for [hell] And ten for the d[evi]l's own sell![3] (Better be careful in dem der woods Mendiplogs!) In the New Scientist magazine some years ago they did an article on Caledonian Crows and they did the bucket test on two different birds. This time they were in a cage and the small length of straight wire was introduced. The first crow looked at the problem, found that its beak was not long enough for the bucket, thought about it and picked the wire up and then bent it into shape using its foot. The second one did the same thinking but bent it in the bars of the cage. This process amazed the scientists as they did not think that birds were capable of abstract thought. Chimpanzees for instance seem to be intelligent by doing something similar using a twig to insert into a termite mound to bring out a mouthful of termites. But as I recall, I do not think the chimps thought "I have a problem here, what I need is a tool to stick in there etc" They were much more likely to learn the process by playfully messing about with a twig, and then find to their joy that they had a good result and the whole colony quickly learns the process. The point being that they did not imagine the tool they needed with abstract thought. In the scientists eyes this put the crows in a higher category of intelligence than chimps. (but that may only be in one area of intelligence) Further stories came in from readers. One reader witnessed crows sitting on traffic lights with nuts in their beaks. They waited till the lights turned red and swooped down in front of the now static cars and deposited the nuts. Went back to their perches and when the lights turned green they were rewarded with a load of cracked nuts. But the best story came from a guy in Canada who had been observing a deer carcass from a hide. A crow landed by the carcass and they are incredibly wary and know all about traps and poison. It circled the carcass observing everything before pecking in darting movements at it by leaning away as much as it could to try and set off any traps. When it was completely satisfied that there was no trap it then took a sample of the meat and wandered around for a bit to see if it had any detrimental effect. It was eventually happy and started to tuck in. All of a sudden to the observers astonishment it keeled over. The observer thought " Well it was not such a clever bird after all" A moment later a small flock of about half a dozen crows came over and on seeing the dead crow they realised it was not a good idea to feed there, so they went away. Just as they were out of sight the "dead" crow suddenly came to life and continued tucking in without competition. Now that is what I call intelligent!

1. Not rabbit tracks, more like small human shuffling. 2. A birds wings hitting snow would make a much more smudged impression. 3. No signs of struggle or usual carnage Conclusion :- somebody fooling around with a stick

Bloke in the village was interested to see how I fell trees so I asked him up to an old quarry to watch me fell a medium size (18") but fairly tall Ash that had just died. Asked him to stand a safe distance and it is always good to have someone about in case of Friday 13th..... The tree was amongst others and there was a small chance of it being hung up but as it had a considerable lean and the top branches were rotten and I had the teleporter to make sure it fell the right way (and give me a safetycab refuge) I felt sure it was going to be a quick and easy demonstration. The cut went well and the tree went in the right direction, but unfortunately some of the rotten branches still had a hold on life and it became hung up between two trees. Never mind, I thought, just apply a little down force on the boom from the eight ton machine. This had no other effect than to lift the front wheels off the ground and cause much mirth from my companion. Decided the only option was to cut through the hinge using the teleporter as protection, so that I could knock the tree off its trunk with the boom. This I did successfully but it now speared itself into the soft ground with the whole weight of the tree bearing down on it. Much faffing about and shunting of teleporter eventually managed to put a chain around the tree and the teleporter was just strong enough to lift the tree and back slowly until it fell as originally planned. My companion amused but not very impressed while I thanked the good Lord for teleporters.

Having a brain the size of europe has got me... thinking that I am better off out of there!

Certainly did not look sick when it eventually walked around. I thought that perhaps it was a three quarter grown fawn that had been told to sit there and not move by its mother!

It is your eulogies that tipped the balance Jon!

I was very surprised to see it so calm as I am sure it is one of the three that are often in the house garden by the farm about half a mile away. Although they come right up to the window there they are very nervous and the slightest noise sends them skittling for cover. Perhaps this one has been taking some weed!

Surprised to see this Muntjac sitting quietly on some dry leaves while I entered my car only about ten yards away and not far from the house. It stayed there while I started and backed away and was still there on my return. Later it stood up and walked around looking quite healthy. Cute but it could be Deerburger if it nails my fruit trees I have just planted!

Been trawling the web and youtube to find a log peavey/log cant and nearly built one in the workshop but glad that I changed my mind and bought a Woodchuck Dual off F R Jones. Beautifully engineered in thick gauge aluminium, strong and well thought out to combine peavey and log cant. It arrived nearly the next day and I took it down to the snow covered woods for the big test of a slippery 20" diameter 15 foot long piece of Ash. Of course I needed a piece of wood to put under the foot as the ground was sodden, but once I stopped the foot sinking in it worked well keeping it off the ground to chainsaw. It would be fine back in the yard without the bit of wood. Easypeasy or should that be Easypeavey! Should have bought one years ago!

Couple of things as a green student on a dairy farm, First day taken by the boss to meet the head cowman who was out in the field fixing a fence. "Mick I want you to meet Billhook our new student" Held out my hand to shake his and nearly jumped ten feet in the air as his other hand was gripping the electric fence! Later the vet was busy castrating young bull calves and the old stockman was a bloke called Harry who wore a brown coat and had a runny nose and had a habit of sticking his hand in his pocket, bringing out a dirty handkerchief , wiping his nose and putting it back again all in the space of a few seconds. The vet mischievously dropped a couple of testicles in is pocket and Harry duly obliged by wiping his nose with them. Everybody laughed but obviously the young student laughed a bit too loudly. I was living at home at the time and sharing an old Moskvitch car with my mother who complained after a week or so about the smell in the car. We took the car apart trying to find the source and under the back seat my mother found the problem. "Here is the trouble but what on earth is it?" "Bull's Balls mother!" She dropped them like a red hot brick!

I think that I could end up like Bond! [ame] [/ame]

I will give it a go with my two Stihl BR 600s!

It means you dig what he said!

Looks like an Arb trolley is coming his way from Father Christmas at the end of the year!

As the interviewer said ". How can I go home and sit on the couch and say I am too old to do something when I know that Lou is out there, ski racing down a mountain somewhere aged one hundred"!

Here is a bit of inspiration for you all. He is one hundred years old and still competing in downhill ski races, but listening to him being interviewed is educational. Still cycles 17 miles daily and goes off in a high powered motorbike and side car saying anything less than a thousand miles is not worth dressing up for!

You missed out Nigel! I cannot see any real change coming until we regain control of our destiny from the European Parliament. Certainly not wanting to be out of Europe in trading and goodwill, but not wanting to be run by a load of unaccountable bureaucrats, many with old communist agendas. As I understood it initially UKIP wanted to be voted in just to give the country a proper referendum on Europe. After the vote they were going to have another election and you could vote in whatever party, but at least they would have the power to change things. I am not sure where this idea changed into one where UKIP now has to have a full manifesto.

I wonder if Jack Bruce cut down a rowan.

What happened to the forty chainsaw file candles???

I cut 120 three inch lengths of two inch diameter yew (could be any wood)from branches. Drilled out the middle of each with a one and a quarter inch flat wood bit mounted in a bench drill, but not right through, leave a base. Then cut a slot across the top for the name card. There was enough room for four acorns in the hole.(held in place by the card) Put the mini yew logs on the tables as place markers with instructions to vernalise as well as to send us a Christmas card each year with a photo of their progress! Took a bit of work but left a good impression!

Confucius say, passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly ...

Electric Firelighter from Grenadier Obviously not much good out in the woods, but although expensive they make an almost instant fire, go on for ever and are excellent at reviving an almost dead fire. We bought our first one back in the 1970s made by Pifco

Could have been worse. You both could have been married to Katie Hopkins!

All I could find on the web Wood - seasoned & dry kg/cu.m Afromosia 705 Apple 660 - 830 Ash, black 540 Ash, white 670 Aspen 420 Balsa 170 Bamboo 300 - 400 Birch (British) 670 Cedar, red 380 Cypress 510 Douglas Fir 530 Ebony 960 - 1120 Elm ( English ) 600 Elm ( Wych ) 690 Elm ( Rock ) 815 Iroko 655 Larch 590 Lignum Vitae 1280 - 1370 Mahogany ( Honduras ) 545 Mahogany ( African ) 495 - 850 Maple 755 Oak 590 - 930 Pine ( Oregon ) 530 Pine ( Parana ) 560 Pine ( Canadian ) 350 - 560 Pine ( Red ) 370 - 660 Redwood ( American ) 450 Redwood ( European ) 510 Spruce ( Canadian ) 450 Spruce ( Sitka ) 450 Sycamore 590 Teak 630 - 720 Willow 420

I was just driving past one of the farm field gatewaysthe other day, directly opposite a pair of semi detached cottages which belong to the farm. There was a small white van parked at the entrance and a middle aged couple were in the field but I could not see what they were doing as I had a big Mercedes right on my tail. Glanced in the rear view mirror and saw the man carrying something on his shoulder. I had to go down the road for some distance to turn round as the Merc was still right up my backside. By the time I had returned to the field entrance the van had gone, but there was a pile of sawdust. About four years ago I had heard that a load of Gypsies were on their way to the area and we put some fairly rotten pine logs across the gateways. About 18 inches in diameter and about twelve feet long and certainly not worth putting through my processor. It was one of these that they had cut up and taken. As I say they were half rotten four years ago so imagine what they are like having sat in the weather for that amount of time. The effort of chainsawing them, the risk of an earful from me (very frightening!) driving out from wherever diesel/petrol used, energy used in sawing/carrying and then ending up with a load of sodden rotten wood. It is almost a case of Karma causing them to be automatically punished for their deed, as I am sure it would take more energy to light it than the energy you might recover from it! It is no wonder that some people can make money selling unseasoned, wet, poor quality firewood if these are the sort of people who will take it. They walk amongst us!