Mark Bolam

The ramblings of a drunken man turn out to be one of the most accurate posts on here. The sad reality is that even if we bend over backwards and become completely eco friendly, green, carbon neutral vegans it won’t make any difference because the Chinese, Indians, Yanks and Russians don’t give a shit.

You can cut to length pretty accurately by eye if you do plenty of it. I mainly do my own arb timber, so it’s more important to cut so it will split as easy as possible, which often means short rings round knots, bends and unions. I think a digger and grab is great, but it does tie up expensive kit and another body, it’s not a one man operation. Is the other fella on hand all the time Jake?

Huge engine and massive blade.

You definitely need some mechanical help there Jake!

That was for a good mate we do quite a bit of stuff for. He supplied digger and operator, and the timber was in decent stacks. He also covered our fuel. Macca and me charged him £200 each for a leisurely day, but got through some timber. Tonnage wise I wouldn’t like to guess, but wouldn’t have been anywhere near 20 tonnes each! Definitely gave our backs a day off though.

Easiest day I’ve had cutting rounds was when a good op in a 5 tonner was picking up with a Intermercato grab. Working at waist height all day was lovely.

I get the need for it in really busy spots, it’s understandable and probably helps. It’s pretty bloody tedious driving through places like Jedburgh and Lauder though.

Seriously this would be a nightmare to quantify from HSE’s perspective. Ridiculous amounts of variables. Some of my worst, but looking back, most enjoyable climbs, were in ridiculous winds trying to deck stuff before expensive shit got broken. I remember my old groundie Stevo screaming at me once on a heaved connie takedown. Couldn’t hear him for the wind, I just assumed he was telling me to hurry up. It had heaved another foot and totally split from the base up. I was well worth my £120 that day. I’m pretty sure it was @Rich Rule told me if the tail of your rope is blowing at 45 deg it’s time to bail. If it’s blowing at 90 deg it’s probably too late. If there’s no risk to anything we just pull off and go to the pub, sorry, log yard, now. Or go and flop some stuff where the wind is your friend (rarely happens).

When your arse starts going 5p-50p it’s time to get down. This will undoubtedly be more accurate than anything the HSE will ever come up with.

Mick, back on to Big Cat conspiracies! This isn’t a big cat, but was filmed in Kent last January. There was a howling noise from the woods for a couple of nights, then it seemed to disappear without trace. 891dfe11-28e1-4ccb-8d4a-d5d12a04198e.mp4

Pretty sure @Justme will be able to clarify.

Depends on the tipper.

That’s true, but me and mate saw the same thing. The size was easy to judge because it was sideways on a single track road.

‘I’m an old climber asking for help but I’ll continue climbing on a Blake’s and ignore absolutely everyone’s advice because old school is best you gear obsessed young pussies’.

God knows Mick, it doesn’t make sense really. There aren’t really any black pumas, so I’d rule that out. Probably got to 50/60m away but I gunned the Tranny to get closer and it slipped into a hedge. Long tail. But this was way bigger than a domestic cat. Our Benny is a big black cat, 4’ when I stretch him out, but this was way bigger. I’m a country lad, know most animals and spend a lot of time outdoors, always have done. I’m pretty good at identifying what’s what. We turned up at the job and mentioned it to the client. He didn’t bat an eyelid, and said ‘Yes, there’s a few round here’. We are pretty close to a few big zoos here, Port Lympne and Howletts, and a few Big Cat sanctuaries, but they’re pretty hot on escapees. They lost an Ocelot a few years ago, but they denied it until a farmer shot it and they had to fess up. They are more honest these days. The previous story about a keeper knowing he was being stalked rings true as well. Two keepers down here had exactly the same thing, they were shitting themselves, and aren’t exactly shrinking violet types. There was a big thing in the ‘70’s after the new wild animal act where people released ‘big cats’ because they knew they’d be destroyed because the zoos couldn’t take them all. I think there were a fair few running around then. Most probably died pretty quickly. Even if they did adapt, their natural lifespan isn’t that long. Did they breed? Pretty unlikely I reckon. Big cats? There was one in Kent that I saw 15 years ago for certain. I’d trust my mates back home as to what they saw as well. Just because you haven’t seen one doesn’t make it. conspiracy theory rubbish.

I don’t think the one I saw was a leopard, it was black and apparently black leopards are pretty rare. I know what I saw Mick, and my mate beside me in the cab. We aren’t talking tiger-size, but domestic cats don’t come in labrador size.

The government and DEFRA don’t like admitting they exist. Same with wild boar down here until the evidence became too much. They’re definitely out there Mick, maybe not in the numbers some would suggest though.

Here’s quite a good link - New DNA evidence 'confirms' presence of big cats in the UK WWW.DISCOVERWILDLIFE.COM Long-held rumours of big cats living in Britain have been reignited by the results of a DNA test, apparently...

I’ve seen a big cat, black, labrador size. Broad daylight. That was in Kent on Wye Downs. A few mates back home have seen similar, keepers and farmers, not the sort of people to get them mixed up with badgers etc.

Oak takes forever to season and burns more like coal I find. Sycamore is usually nice to work with, seasons pretty quickly and burns well. Beech and ash are great. Love burning thorn and fruit, but they can be a bugger to process. I tend to favour mixed loads rather than burning something specific, including hard and soft.

Funnily enough I had a flat iron steak tonight, locally sourced from my mates herd. In his restaurant (he’s a posho farmer). Not the texture you’d rave about, pretty tough tbh, but the taste was amazing. Preceded by meeting wife and kids in a local I’d walked the dogs to. She had a pint of Asahi waiting for me. She was on rose. Kids all sorted for cokes etc., I got us both another one, but was rewarded with some paltry coins from a £20. Her rose was £12.75 for a glass! I pay less than half of that for a whole bottle of the red shite I drink. Couple of cheeky cans in the workshop and 6 pints of Pilsener with the meal and here we are. With my internet mates. Wife in a strop because she said she has two problems with me. 1) I don’t listen. 2) Some other old shite she was chattering on about. Cheers.

You really want it to die, don’t you? 😁

Sinead O’Connor dies at 56.

So true. Everyone knows that to cut the top of a tall hedge you just swivel the head of your long reach 90 deg and voila! It’s done in one pass.

I wouldn’t totally discount hedgecutting, although it’s physically hard and we all hate it. It fills gaps in the diary for us, and keeps us in with choice clients with plenty of trees, like maybelateron says. One of the big things is getting rid of arisings. We did two full Transit loads today. I’d go for a Husky long reach battery set up, but couple it with a Stihl HS82R for rougher stuff. You’ll also need a decent set of A-Frames and a double or triple ladder. Fairly steep initial set up if you need a vehicle as well. One advantage you have is you could price fairly high because you don’t ‘need’ the work. Logs might be easier if you have somewhere you can be based. A half decent hydraulic splitter can be had for under £1k, and you’ve already got saws and access to timber.