How the fights start

[slasherscot]

How Fights Start

 

 

 

 

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

 

I said, 'Dust.'

 

And then the fight started...

 

 

 

******************************************

 

 

 

 

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we

were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

 

"No," she answered.

 

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

 

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

 

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

 

And then the fight started....

 

 

 

******************************************

 

 

 

 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and

slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and

proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing

50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and

discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

 

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into

bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,

and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

 

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is

out fishing in that?"

 

And that's how the fight started...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*****************************************

 

 

 

 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3

seconds.'

 

I bought her a bathroom scale.

 

And then the fight started...

 

 

 

******************************************

 

 

 

 

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place

expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.

 

And then the fight started....

 

 

 

******************************************

 

 

 

 

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License

to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my

wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have

to go home and come back later.

 

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my

curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof

enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

 

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office.

 

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'

 

And then the fight started...

 

 

 

******************************************

 

 

 

 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept

staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table.

 

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

 

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'

 

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

 

And then the fight started...

 

 

 

******************************************

 

 

 

 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my

order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

 

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

 

Nah , she can order for herself."

 

And then the fight started...

 

 

 

******************************************

 

 

 

 

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not

happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I

look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

 

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

 

And then the fight started.....

[tommer9]

Lol..

[Stephen Blair]

ha ha ha, but dont tell my wife i laughed at this. lol

[Czlowiek Drzewo]

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

 

Nah , she can order for herself."

 

 

Lol.

[Johny Walker]

just wet my pants printing off for the wife

[Rob D]

excellent

[TimberCutterDartmoor]

There's been a big fight in the biscuit tin. A Bandit called Rocky, who was Crackers, hit a Penguin over the head with a Club, tied him to a Wagon Wheel with a Blue Riband and made his Breakaway in a Taxi. Police say Rocky was last seen just After Eight by a Viscount from Maryland, Hobnobbing with a Ginger Nut and 2 accomplices, one known as Gary Baldi and the other known only to the Police as Rich T. Unfortunately they dont have a Crumb of evidence. So the Jammie Dodger might get away with it.

[Buzz]

Great LOL

[PeteB]

Very good..... hahaha

[testcricket01]

love it, very good have some laughs at work tomorow when i bring these in.