My accident

[sean]

May 6th

 

 

Think you're having a bad day? Think again my friends. I just donned my new funky pyjama bottoms ready for a days wheeling round the ward. Had them on for all of two minutes before I crapped them. Only a little bit I might add but enough to render them unwearable! Gutted, as along with my crocs and flat cap they formed some outfit I can assure you. Oh well shall have to have a rethink on my attire for the day.

 

Although it is all too easy to think of every day here as Groundhog Day there are daily small changes to the routine, small achievements. This week there have been two significant events both of equal importance but not in satisfaction or enjoyment. The first was that I got to stand up for the first time in six weeks. Now before you all go running outside with your hands in the air shouting " It's a miracle, It's a miracle" this is not how it might appear I'm afraid to say. Yes I stood, upright, on my feet, supported by my legs but I was strapped into a standing frame. Man did it feel good though. I don't think I will be able to put into words how good it felt. After being flat on my back for 4 weeks or so and a couple of weeks sat on my arse in a wheel chair to finally stand upright, all 6ft 1inch of me was pure bliss. Putting aside the medical benefits for one minute just the fact that I could once again look down on people rather than be looked down upon, well the natural order of things was temporarily restored surely? In all seriousness though the benefits of this are many. It will keep the blood flowing in my legs, reducing the chance of blood clots. Keeps the muscles and bones healthier and is really good for my bowel and bladder management to name but a few. Oh and I get to look down at people again. Did I mention that (I jest of course).

Unfortunately after sitting back in my chair following said standing I went to make sure that my undercarriage was in a comfortable position ( a regular routine when you have no feeling down below.) It's a good job that I checked as I found my catheter had been wrenched from my bladder and out of my John Thomas. (It will be interesting to see how many words I can use to avoid me saying Dick or Cock) whoops sorry Mum! Anyway I digress. The catheter had been forcibly removed and physio had to stop. I was due to have it removed the following day anyway and commence my self catheter insertion regime whatever the terminology is so this incident led it to being brought forward by twenty four hours. The thought of not traipsing around with a big bag of urine on my leg gave me a boost until I saw what the alternative was!

 

The Self Insertion Catheter is exactly that, a catheter you insert into your bladder via your penis. BOYS OF A CERTAIN DISPOSITION MAY WANT TO STOP READING NOW OR CLOSE YOUR EARS IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO READ AND THIS IS BEING READ TO YOU. Sorry but I should have put that notice at the beginning of the paragraph but can let you off too lightly. 😄. So there I was laying on the bed with my Crown Jewels out. ( seems to be a common theme looking back through my posts). The nurse began to explain what I needed to do and then started the insertion. Sorry, I should quickly explain what the catheter is for those who do not know. Well it's basically a straw measuring approximate 2 ft which you put down your Todger until it reaches your bladder and you start to urinate out of it into a small cardboard Trilby Hat.

Anyway so the nurse began the insertion and I had to look away.

 

"Sean you need to watch this" she said.

 

" I can't" said I

 

" well you bloody need to because you will be doing it alone next time so watch please" she said again.

 

This went on a couple of times until at last it had reached its destination and the deed was done. The catheter and start on bladder suddenly took on a whole new level of appeal.

So that is me now, 4 times a day, draining my bladder with a bloody great straw. Not the easiest thing to do when sitting in a wheelchair, wearing trousers with no fly, trying to multi task with only 2 hands trying desperately to fill the hat and not make a mess.

On a psychological level it was also another harsh reality. This was my life now. I will have to carry around the kit for me to carry out this operation wherever I may be. I will have to record my fluid intake and gauge when my bladder will need emptying to avoid an embarrassing accident. I know in time this will become second nature. Except of course on those days when I've sunk about ten ciders with whiskey chasers. Note to self, take spare trousers on that day.

 

Sometimes when wading through my previous posts it occurs to me that I may not be entirely honest with regards my thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong I tell no lies but maybe in the process of trying to be funny and putting a humorous slant on things a false picture maybe getting painted.

 

So for the record I ******* hurt! Both emotionally and physically. None more so this past week to be honest. Every morning I wake up and I am in pain. My hips, my back, my ribs my neck. What I want to do as soon as I wake is get out of bed and into my chair. To change position because this often eases the pain a little. Until later on after being in the chair for a few hours I just want to get back into bed. I am living with a constant feeling in my feet and legs and backside which in indescribable but I will try. My feet, especially the left feels like it is in a vice being slowly closed, whilst somebody is hammering hundreds of red hot pins into the soles of my feet and toes. Every time I cough or sneeze the pain in my body often makes my eyes water. I can barely turn my torso due to the brace which I am still wearing. The brace prevents me from dressing myself or sitting up without it on. My morning still commence with me laying while somebody 'manages' my bowels. This is all a very small part of my experiences here. A very small part!

 

I miss my family dearly. Being at home with them. Being silly. Laughing and joking with them. Cuddling and kissing them. Just being with them. Having a normal life with them. I am really feeling my little boy right now. Being physical with him, wrestling with him, playing football with him, being totally stupid with him. It breaks my heart not being able to do those with them all. I miss going to the pub with my friends and family. I miss leading a normal life. And I find it bloody hard. Harder than I sometimes let on. I do want to scream. In fact I do scream, but quietly to myself. Of course I am scared but I try to meditate the pain away. I listen to music, I have a cry but then get on. Genuinely pretty jovial though however and on the whole try to remain positive.

 

Perspective is a wonderful thing. There's a guy in the ward who whenever I talk with him makes me feel a wealth of emotions. My heart aches for him, I feel so sorry for him. Funny really that I can feel sorry for myself yet quickly count my lucky stars. He is a builder who is now paralysed. He has very limited movement in his hands and arms and none in his legs. His spasms are so intense they throw him from his bed. He is on 20 pills a day just to control the spasms, forget about very thing else. He has to be pushed everywhere and be fed.

 

"Look at these hands Sean. 5 weeks ago they were building a house, now look at them." I cried inside for him. He is 28 years old. In a moment of stupidity (his words) he somersaulted onto the sofa and it went horribly wrong.

 

As I said perspective is a wonderful thing. I got away lightly and am very lucky in many ways. Although lucky and unlucky ebb and flow depending on the day.

 

Peace x x

 

P.s. Two pairs of trousers soiled now. Have a nice day x

 

This song is very powerful for me. I've been listening to it for a while, before the accident but recently it's power has increased. today I was in the gym standing in the frame ( see below). I listened to this track and it had me in tears. I was sending the bass through my body to my legs. When it kicks in at 1.55 mins I started to cry. I wanted to break free from the standing frame and dance. I wanted to dance like I had never danced before. I danced standing there instead, engulfed by the bass, by the melody and shed tears. Tears of pain, of hope and of joy and love x

[Mick Dempsey]

Hi Sean, glad you can let a bit of anger go from time to time. Constant pain can be tiring and frustrating.

You don't have to be strong the whole time.

Mick.

[the village idiot]

May 6th

 

 

Think you're having a bad day? Think again my friends. I just donned my new funky pyjama bottoms ready for a days wheeling round the ward. Had them on for all of two minutes before I crapped them. Only a little bit I might add but enough to render them unwearable! Gutted, as along with my crocs and flat cap they formed some outfit I can assure you. Oh well shall have to have a rethink on my attire for the day.

 

Although it is all too easy to think of every day here as Groundhog Day there are daily small changes to the routine, small achievements. This week there have been two significant events both of equal importance but not in satisfaction or enjoyment. The first was that I got to stand up for the first time in six weeks. Now before you all go running outside with your hands in the air shouting " It's a miracle, It's a miracle" this is not how it might appear I'm afraid to say. Yes I stood, upright, on my feet, supported by my legs but I was strapped into a standing frame. Man did it feel good though. I don't think I will be able to put into words how good it felt. After being flat on my back for 4 weeks or so and a couple of weeks sat on my arse in a wheel chair to finally stand upright, all 6ft 1inch of me was pure bliss. Putting aside the medical benefits for one minute just the fact that I could once again look down on people rather than be looked down upon, well the natural order of things was temporarily restored surely? In all seriousness though the benefits of this are many. It will keep the blood flowing in my legs, reducing the chance of blood clots. Keeps the muscles and bones healthier and is really good for my bowel and bladder management to name but a few. Oh and I get to look down at people again. Did I mention that (I jest of course).

Unfortunately after sitting back in my chair following said standing I went to make sure that my undercarriage was in a comfortable position ( a regular routine when you have no feeling down below.) It's a good job that I checked as I found my catheter had been wrenched from my bladder and out of my John Thomas. (It will be interesting to see how many words I can use to avoid me saying Dick or Cock) whoops sorry Mum! Anyway I digress. The catheter had been forcibly removed and physio had to stop. I was due to have it removed the following day anyway and commence my self catheter insertion regime whatever the terminology is so this incident led it to being brought forward by twenty four hours. The thought of not traipsing around with a big bag of urine on my leg gave me a boost until I saw what the alternative was!

 

The Self Insertion Catheter is exactly that, a catheter you insert into your bladder via your penis. BOYS OF A CERTAIN DISPOSITION MAY WANT TO STOP READING NOW OR CLOSE YOUR EARS IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO READ AND THIS IS BEING READ TO YOU. Sorry but I should have put that notice at the beginning of the paragraph but can let you off too lightly. 😄. So there I was laying on the bed with my Crown Jewels out. ( seems to be a common theme looking back through my posts). The nurse began to explain what I needed to do and then started the insertion. Sorry, I should quickly explain what the catheter is for those who do not know. Well it's basically a straw measuring approximate 2 ft which you put down your Todger until it reaches your bladder and you start to urinate out of it into a small cardboard Trilby Hat.

Anyway so the nurse began the insertion and I had to look away.

 

"Sean you need to watch this" she said.

 

" I can't" said I

 

" well you bloody need to because you will be doing it alone next time so watch please" she said again.

 

This went on a couple of times until at last it had reached its destination and the deed was done. The catheter and start on bladder suddenly took on a whole new level of appeal.

So that is me now, 4 times a day, draining my bladder with a bloody great straw. Not the easiest thing to do when sitting in a wheelchair, wearing trousers with no fly, trying to multi task with only 2 hands trying desperately to fill the hat and not make a mess.

On a psychological level it was also another harsh reality. This was my life now. I will have to carry around the kit for me to carry out this operation wherever I may be. I will have to record my fluid intake and gauge when my bladder will need emptying to avoid an embarrassing accident. I know in time this will become second nature. Except of course on those days when I've sunk about ten ciders with whiskey chasers. Note to self, take spare trousers on that day.

 

Sometimes when wading through my previous posts it occurs to me that I may not be entirely honest with regards my thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong I tell no lies but maybe in the process of trying to be funny and putting a humorous slant on things a false picture maybe getting painted.

 

So for the record I ******* hurt! Both emotionally and physically. None more so this past week to be honest. Every morning I wake up and I am in pain. My hips, my back, my ribs my neck. What I want to do as soon as I wake is get out of bed and into my chair. To change position because this often eases the pain a little. Until later on after being in the chair for a few hours I just want to get back into bed. I am living with a constant feeling in my feet and legs and backside which in indescribable but I will try. My feet, especially the left feels like it is in a vice being slowly closed, whilst somebody is hammering hundreds of red hot pins into the soles of my feet and toes. Every time I cough or sneeze the pain in my body often makes my eyes water. I can barely turn my torso due to the brace which I am still wearing. The brace prevents me from dressing myself or sitting up without it on. My morning still commence with me laying while somebody 'manages' my bowels. This is all a very small part of my experiences here. A very small part!

 

I miss my family dearly. Being at home with them. Being silly. Laughing and joking with them. Cuddling and kissing them. Just being with them. Having a normal life with them. I am really feeling my little boy right now. Being physical with him, wrestling with him, playing football with him, being totally stupid with him. It breaks my heart not being able to do those with them all. I miss going to the pub with my friends and family. I miss leading a normal life. And I find it bloody hard. Harder than I sometimes let on. I do want to scream. In fact I do scream, but quietly to myself. Of course I am scared but I try to meditate the pain away. I listen to music, I have a cry but then get on. Genuinely pretty jovial though however and on the whole try to remain positive.

 

Perspective is a wonderful thing. There's a guy in the ward who whenever I talk with him makes me feel a wealth of emotions. My heart aches for him, I feel so sorry for him. Funny really that I can feel sorry for myself yet quickly count my lucky stars. He is a builder who is now paralysed. He has very limited movement in his hands and arms and none in his legs. His spasms are so intense they throw him from his bed. He is on 20 pills a day just to control the spasms, forget about very thing else. He has to be pushed everywhere and be fed.

 

"Look at these hands Sean. 5 weeks ago they were building a house, now look at them." I cried inside for him. He is 28 years old. In a moment of stupidity (his words) he somersaulted onto the sofa and it went horribly wrong.

 

As I said perspective is a wonderful thing. I got away lightly and am very lucky in many ways. Although lucky and unlucky ebb and flow depending on the day.

 

Peace x x

 

P.s. Two pairs of trousers soiled now. Have a nice day x

 

This song is very powerful for me. I've been listening to it for a while, before the accident but recently it's power has increased. today I was in the gym standing in the frame ( see below). I listened to this track and it had me in tears. I was sending the bass through my body to my legs. When it kicks in at 1.55 mins I started to cry. I wanted to break free from the standing frame and dance. I wanted to dance like I had never danced before. I danced standing there instead, engulfed by the bass, by the melody and shed tears. Tears of pain, of hope and of joy and love x

 

Speechless!

 

That post contains enough emotion and depth to keep me thinking and wondering for a lifetime.

 

Total respect to you Sean. You are amazing.

[mendiplogs]

May 6th

 

 

Think you're having a bad day? Think again my friends. I just donned my new funky pyjama bottoms ready for a days wheeling round the ward. Had them on for all of two minutes before I crapped them. Only a little bit I might add but enough to render them unwearable! Gutted, as along with my crocs and flat cap they formed some outfit I can assure you. Oh well shall have to have a rethink on my attire for the day.

 

Although it is all too easy to think of every day here as Groundhog Day there are daily small changes to the routine, small achievements. This week there have been two significant events both of equal importance but not in satisfaction or enjoyment. The first was that I got to stand up for the first time in six weeks. Now before you all go running outside with your hands in the air shouting " It's a miracle, It's a miracle" this is not how it might appear I'm afraid to say. Yes I stood, upright, on my feet, supported by my legs but I was strapped into a standing frame. Man did it feel good though. I don't think I will be able to put into words how good it felt. After being flat on my back for 4 weeks or so and a couple of weeks sat on my arse in a wheel chair to finally stand upright, all 6ft 1inch of me was pure bliss. Putting aside the medical benefits for one minute just the fact that I could once again look down on people rather than be looked down upon, well the natural order of things was temporarily restored surely? In all seriousness though the benefits of this are many. It will keep the blood flowing in my legs, reducing the chance of blood clots. Keeps the muscles and bones healthier and is really good for my bowel and bladder management to name but a few. Oh and I get to look down at people again. Did I mention that (I jest of course).

Unfortunately after sitting back in my chair following said standing I went to make sure that my undercarriage was in a comfortable position ( a regular routine when you have no feeling down below.) It's a good job that I checked as I found my catheter had been wrenched from my bladder and out of my John Thomas. (It will be interesting to see how many words I can use to avoid me saying Dick or Cock) whoops sorry Mum! Anyway I digress. The catheter had been forcibly removed and physio had to stop. I was due to have it removed the following day anyway and commence my self catheter insertion regime whatever the terminology is so this incident led it to being brought forward by twenty four hours. The thought of not traipsing around with a big bag of urine on my leg gave me a boost until I saw what the alternative was!

 

The Self Insertion Catheter is exactly that, a catheter you insert into your bladder via your penis. BOYS OF A CERTAIN DISPOSITION MAY WANT TO STOP READING NOW OR CLOSE YOUR EARS IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO READ AND THIS IS BEING READ TO YOU. Sorry but I should have put that notice at the beginning of the paragraph but can let you off too lightly. 😄. So there I was laying on the bed with my Crown Jewels out. ( seems to be a common theme looking back through my posts). The nurse began to explain what I needed to do and then started the insertion. Sorry, I should quickly explain what the catheter is for those who do not know. Well it's basically a straw measuring approximate 2 ft which you put down your Todger until it reaches your bladder and you start to urinate out of it into a small cardboard Trilby Hat.

Anyway so the nurse began the insertion and I had to look away.

 

"Sean you need to watch this" she said.

 

" I can't" said I

 

" well you bloody need to because you will be doing it alone next time so watch please" she said again.

 

This went on a couple of times until at last it had reached its destination and the deed was done. The catheter and start on bladder suddenly took on a whole new level of appeal.

So that is me now, 4 times a day, draining my bladder with a bloody great straw. Not the easiest thing to do when sitting in a wheelchair, wearing trousers with no fly, trying to multi task with only 2 hands trying desperately to fill the hat and not make a mess.

On a psychological level it was also another harsh reality. This was my life now. I will have to carry around the kit for me to carry out this operation wherever I may be. I will have to record my fluid intake and gauge when my bladder will need emptying to avoid an embarrassing accident. I know in time this will become second nature. Except of course on those days when I've sunk about ten ciders with whiskey chasers. Note to self, take spare trousers on that day.

 

Sometimes when wading through my previous posts it occurs to me that I may not be entirely honest with regards my thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong I tell no lies but maybe in the process of trying to be funny and putting a humorous slant on things a false picture maybe getting painted.

 

So for the record I ******* hurt! Both emotionally and physically. None more so this past week to be honest. Every morning I wake up and I am in pain. My hips, my back, my ribs my neck. What I want to do as soon as I wake is get out of bed and into my chair. To change position because this often eases the pain a little. Until later on after being in the chair for a few hours I just want to get back into bed. I am living with a constant feeling in my feet and legs and backside which in indescribable but I will try. My feet, especially the left feels like it is in a vice being slowly closed, whilst somebody is hammering hundreds of red hot pins into the soles of my feet and toes. Every time I cough or sneeze the pain in my body often makes my eyes water. I can barely turn my torso due to the brace which I am still wearing. The brace prevents me from dressing myself or sitting up without it on. My morning still commence with me laying while somebody 'manages' my bowels. This is all a very small part of my experiences here. A very small part!

 

I miss my family dearly. Being at home with them. Being silly. Laughing and joking with them. Cuddling and kissing them. Just being with them. Having a normal life with them. I am really feeling my little boy right now. Being physical with him, wrestling with him, playing football with him, being totally stupid with him. It breaks my heart not being able to do those with them all. I miss going to the pub with my friends and family. I miss leading a normal life. And I find it bloody hard. Harder than I sometimes let on. I do want to scream. In fact I do scream, but quietly to myself. Of course I am scared but I try to meditate the pain away. I listen to music, I have a cry but then get on. Genuinely pretty jovial though however and on the whole try to remain positive.

 

Perspective is a wonderful thing. There's a guy in the ward who whenever I talk with him makes me feel a wealth of emotions. My heart aches for him, I feel so sorry for him. Funny really that I can feel sorry for myself yet quickly count my lucky stars. He is a builder who is now paralysed. He has very limited movement in his hands and arms and none in his legs. His spasms are so intense they throw him from his bed. He is on 20 pills a day just to control the spasms, forget about very thing else. He has to be pushed everywhere and be fed.

 

"Look at these hands Sean. 5 weeks ago they were building a house, now look at them." I cried inside for him. He is 28 years old. In a moment of stupidity (his words) he somersaulted onto the sofa and it went horribly wrong.

 

As I said perspective is a wonderful thing. I got away lightly and am very lucky in many ways. Although lucky and unlucky ebb and flow depending on the day.

 

Peace x x

 

P.s. Two pairs of trousers soiled now. Have a nice day x

 

This song is very powerful for me. I've been listening to it for a while, before the accident but recently it's power has increased. today I was in the gym standing in the frame ( see below). I listened to this track and it had me in tears. I was sending the bass through my body to my legs. When it kicks in at 1.55 mins I started to cry. I wanted to break free from the standing frame and dance. I wanted to dance like I had never danced before. I danced standing there instead, engulfed by the bass, by the melody and shed tears. Tears of pain, of hope and of joy and love x

 

Hi SEAN keep up the good work Sean thanks Sonia Jon

[TIMON]

Hi Sean , I don't have much in the way of words for you but my wife Lynne and I pray for your healing as often as God brings you to mind. (Usually before bedtime). You and your situation are lifted before the throne of grace in time of need.

With love and much respect.

Timon and Lynne

[bobh]

As said above, that post had everything, highs and lows, smiles and sadness. The P.S. made me laugh out load and now the dogs' looking at me a if I'm mad! 😁😁

Keep it up mate, thinking of you.

[geoff]

Your open honesty is astounding, & reveals a man, just a man, with the emotional frailty we all have, & yet a strength most of us would not be capable of mustering.

 

Total respect to you Sean.

[Mark Bolam]

Reading this thread always brings both kinds of tears to my eyes Sean.

 

As for the pro football there will probably be a game for you at St. James' Park next season the way we are going.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Arbtalk

[Woodcrafter]

Hi Sean,

Speechless is the word mate it's times like these we all wish we had a magic wand. Keep Strong you'll be back with your family in no time with endless love and support from all round!!!!.

[tree-fancier123]

been reading this and hoping it will never be me, then yesterday managed to twist my ankle, can hardly walk on it, already got me thinking how I'd be stuffed paying the bills if it was a more serious injury.

I think you'd be a good web designer for arb companies if you can't climb anymore, hope you find something soon.